Tag Archives: valentine cards

Fun With Vintage Creepy Valentine Cards!

11 Feb

Remember in elementary school when you bought (or rather your mother bought) that box of small Valentine’s Day cards and you filled out each one with a name of a classmate and then signed your name?  Remember how you would carefully choose the coolest, cutest, favoritest character ones?  Then if you waited too long to go buy them, you had to pick from whatever was left like some lame Tom & Jerry shit or that ratchet ho Strawberry Shortcake?  And the messages sucked.

As an adult I love to use little kids Valentines and make them sound inappropriate. Here are some retro Valentines that I would love to see brought back for modern use because, well… they’re odd and more left open to interpretation. You wanna’ be a perv? Knock yourself out with some of these. You wanna’ be cutesy and corny? You’ve struck pay dirt here…

 

  1. Mrs valentine

Oh yes, because we gals are all still going to college solely for our MRS degrees.

 

2. typing valentine

Perhaps if you sat in a more ergonomic way, you could…

 

3. condenser valentine

I don’t even… What the fuck is this?

 

4. Hunting Valentine

From the “Serial Killer Valentine Collection”… Creepy.

 

5. Nut valentine

The 2016 Tinder version of this Valentine would be “Lick These Nuts Valentine”… which would be followed by a picture of nuts NOT of the plant variety…

 

6. Astronaut valentine

Now THAT is some genius copy writing, right there…

 

7. Liz Taylor valentine

To see Liz later in life, she must have been compensated a lifetime of Whitman’s Chocolates for this ad…

Liz FAt

 

 

8. Cat pussy

All the Freudian images you need… cats and licking. Your gal will be purring…

 

9. Vegan Valentine

For the Vegans…

 

10. Sock valentine

Nothing says love like a dirty, worn out sock. Especially if it’s the one he uses in “private time”…

 

Happy Valentine’s Day from your old pal Madge. Feel free to add any fun Valentines’ you find down in the comments…

 

Advertisements

10 Wildly Inappropriate Yet Well Meaning Valentine’s Day Cards

13 Feb

In honor of Valentine’s Day I’m re-gifting this blog from Valentine’s Day past…

Remember in elementary school how you’d buy (or rather your mother would buy) that box of small little Valentine’s Day cards and you would fill out each one with a name of a classmate and then sign your name?  Remember how you would carefully choose the coolest, cutest, favoritest character ones?  Then if you waited too long to go buy them, you had to pick from whatever was left like some lame Tom and Jerry shit or Strawberry Shortcake?  And the messages sucked.

Well whatever you got, as you got older you thought the sayings were corny.  Then of course as you got much older you thought about how to make the sayings on those cards somewhat inappropriate.  Hell as adults, you probably even made some porn-themed Valentine greetings in your head.  Come on, it’s fun to smash the innocence of a good old fashioned Valentine!

So, I offer some do-it-yourself inappropriate Valentines, just add impure or unkind thoughts…

1.  flinstone

From the Hallmark Mary Kay LaTourneau Collection

2. rash

My advice… get some penicillin, then sue.

3. vintage_valentine_sink

Uhhhh, well I hope so or it’s back to number 2 above ^^^^

4. retro-valentine-1 club

The Chris Brown Valentine…

5.  emo valentin

Wow, that’s uh, pretty intense.  Call the suicide hotline pal, don’t send a Valentine…

6.  sexting valentine

The first sexting Valentine obviously.  Teaching young girls to send pictures of themselves in underwear to boys since 1952!

7.  retro_us_military_valentines_day_card_

This Vulcan (check out her hand) bowling bobby soxer wants to give it to you good when you get home soldier!  Nothing says sexy like bowling…  Live long and prosper while killing Nazis!

8.  egg valentine

From the Hallmark Small Penis collection…

9.  ronald

You’d take that clown over me?  I knew you slept with him!  F**k you!

10.  eat

Uhhhh… yea.

Happy Valentine’s Day!  If you liked this post, please share with your friends (the blog, not your junk) and don’t forget to sign up to follow this blog (top right).  Thanks loads!  Oh and my book makes a great Valentine’s gift (see top right)!  🙂  #ShamelessPlug

10 Wildly Inappropriate Yet Well Meaning Valentine Cards

14 Feb

Remember in elementary school how you’d buy (or rather your mother would buy) that box of small little Valentine’s Day cards and you would fill out each one with a name of a classmate and then sign your name?  Remember how you would carefully choose the coolest, cutest, favoritest character ones?  Then if you waited too long to go buy them, you had to pick from whatever was left like some lame Tom and Jerry shit or Strawberry Shortcake?  And the messages sucked.

Well whatever you got, as you got older you thought the sayings were corny.  Then of course as you got much older you thought about how to make the sayings on those cards somewhat inappropriate.  Hell as adults, you probably even made some porn-themed Valentine greetings in your head.  Come on, it’s fun to smash the innocence of a good old fashioned Valentine!

So, I offer some do-it-yourself inappropriate Valentines, just add impure or unkind thoughts…

1.  flinstone

From the Hallmark Mary Kay LaTourneau Collection

2. rash

My advice… get some penicillin, then sue.

3. vintage_valentine_sink

Uhhhh, well I hope so or it’s back to number 2 above ^^^^

4. retro-valentine-1 club

The Chris Brown Valentine…

5.  emo valentin

Wow, that’s uh, pretty intense.  Call the suicide hotline pal, don’t send a Valentine…

6.  sexting valentine

The first sexting Valentine obviously.  Teaching young girls to send pictures of themselves in underwear to boys since 1952!

7.  retro_us_military_valentines_day_card_

This Vulcan (check out her hand) bowling bobby soxer wants to give it to you good when you get home soldier!  Nothing says sexy like bowling…  Live long and prosper while killing Nazis!

8.  egg valentine

From the Hallmark Small Penis collection…

9.  ronald

You’d take that clown over me?  I knew you slept with him!  F**k you!

10.  eat

Uhhhh… yea.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Break Room Stories

Service Industry Stories and More Since 2012

Misadventures in Strange Places

Speculations in food, beer, and strange fiction.

GASTRO-a-go-go

Carefully crafted recipes by someone who has decades of experience eating food.

Pouring My Art Out

Ripping out my guts for your entertainment

Beyond The Edge

A fine WordPress.com site

Seth Adam Smith

Light in the Wilderness

Ostara gets a divorce

Musings about divorcing a diagnosed psychopath and the perils of surviving the court system

KennethJustice.com

The Periphrastic Mind Of A Liberal Arts Major

Your Family Should Have a Show

I heard from too many people "Your family should have it's own show!" Since that wasn't going to happen, I created this blog.

The Office Inbetweener

SOME GUYS JUST AREN'T CUT OUT FOR A 9 TO 5...

Friendly Dish

Suffering from an addiction to the ridiculous real housewives? You've come to the right place

29 going on slut

Good girl goes rogue

idiotprufs

Illegal in 38 states--frowned upon in the rest.

The Mightier Pen's Blog

SEO, Web Content & Article Marketing Advice

erikchristian

Brain Abundance News

HomeProfitStream

"Your Insight Into Social Media, News and Marketing"