Tag Archives: self discovery

Act your Age, Not Your Bra Size

13 Nov

Age is just a number… isn’t it?

I have no idea what the title of this blog means, but it just popped into my head and sounded funny.

I’m forty *muffled next number* years old.  Sometimes emotionally, I feel 5.  (you know when you get scared or lonely?).  Hipness-wise I feel about oh 27. (I know what’s trending but have enough sense to know what’s gonna’ last)  Physically I feel about, eh 35.  Maturity, I feel every bit of my forty *muffled next number* years.  Fun seeking-wise I feel… some days I feel 14, some 30, some 21, some 4.  My fun ranges from primitive toddler motions, to kid silliness, to complete drunken filthy raunch.  So I’ve got that goin’ for me…

Some people say, act how you feel.  But what if you’re a 45 year old woman that feels like an 18 year old slutty girl?  That’s really sad and embarrassing, in my opinion.  But if that’s what she wants to do… should she, can she?  Should anyone be able to do whatever the hell they want?

I was watching that show “Couples Therapy” on Vh1.   And they had that internet attention whore  girl Courtney Stodden who at 16 married some has been actor named Doug Hutchison that’s 53 (or something) years old.  Are either one of them acting their age by choosing someone in such a completely different stage of life?  Should we care?  Me personally, I could never date anyone with more than like a maybe 7 year difference either way.  I like someone who can get my pop culture references.  I don’t want to have to explain who Mr. Whipple is to anyone.

Now this broad does not dress her age.  Well, now she is 18 and I think she dresses more like an over the hill stripper or hooker.  The other people on Couples Therapy said her dress and behavior were distracting.  She said she was going to dress how she wanted because she was saving lives.  *ahem*  Yes, she said people on the internet were thanking her profusely for just being who she was and making them feel free to be who they want to be regardless of what anyone thinks.


Oh sorry.  I didn’t know people feeling free to dress like a stripper was the Lord’s work.

Well, ya’ know, maybe I’m wrong.  I know not everyone likes the way I act or dress.  I’ve been into the punk scene since I was in junior high in the late 70s.  Haven’t always dressed all out, but I’ve been supportive of those that do.  So when I do, it’s me, middle aged woman dressing like a 19 year old punk.  Is that any better than Slutty McSlutterson up there?

I have two teenage daughters.  I would neeeeeeever let them go out looking like that.  And I don’t think they would, they believe in themselves.  But ya’ know it doesn’t mean I don’t have to remind them that they are 13 and 15 and not a 26 year old at a nightclub, every once in a while.  Let’s stay in your age range girls, there are a certain number of men out there that like the youngins and don’t have good intentions, let’s cut down the odds of approach.

And yes when I was younger I struggled with self-respect and self-esteem.  All females do at one point.  You want attention but your Mother says, “You don’t want THAT kind of attention”.  You want a boy to like you but will giving him a handy make him fall in love with you?  Odds are no.   Will dressing like the cool alternative kid win more friends and influence people?  Will it get you a job as an executive?  Probably not, unless it’s a record company.

When I was in college I had the sides of my head shaved.  I thought I was wicked cool.  I was making an “I don’t conform for anybody” statement.  However, as I was getting ready to graduate I realized no one in the regular working world wants to give me a real job with this assinine haircut.  It was 1987, things might be a little different now, everybody has piercings and tattoos and non-conformist stuff now.  But I was a rebel.  Rawr!   I was 21 but I needed to start acting like a responsible 30 year old, in order for me to be attractive to employers.

It all depends on what you’re trying to achieve I guess.  I didn’t come to a clear conclusion here, just throwing out thoughts against the wall and see what sticks.  Ya’ know Lady Gaga or this Courtney chick, they want press, and that’s exactly what they get.  Lady Gaga still gets props because she does have some actual musical talent (playing several instruments and what not), so her whacky gear suits her.  This Courtney girl, gets press and probably some money from selling nudies, but respect, acclaim, reverance… nuh uh.  But if she doesn’t care… who are we to say, right?  I don’t know.  To each his own. But what if your “own” puts you in danger of being raped or attacked (wearing a t-shirt with a racial slur or promoting gay rights)?  Dress at your own risk, I guess?  Good luck out there, folks.


A Sightly Interesting Announcement From Madge…

20 Sep

Thanks for coming over to see what all the fuss is about!  So, I have a little announcement…

After much prodding from others, and a need to add something legitimate to my writing resume, I am… writing a book.

Yes, After writing blogs for 7 years, I decided to do something constructive (one would think) with my stories.  So I have a book that’s in the editing stages and I hope to have it out in time to make a great holiday gift!  I figure if Snooki can write a book, so can I!

The book is a collection of re-worked blog posts with some additional content and summary lessons.  The content mostly focuses on overcoming adversity in regard to relationships, finances, children, and career, all with a big dose of humor.    And the working title is…

“When Life Gives You Lemons… At Least You Won’t Get Scurvy!”


In recent years I’ve been dragged kicking and screaming over to the bright side.  I’ve had no choice but to stare that bright side in the face and decide to make the best of whatever life brings.  However, for years I did find strange comfort in soaking in the hot tub of the dark dreary side of life, you know the one that drunk spring break couples got nasty in?  (that was a metaphor kids, I didn’t really hang out in a skanky hot tub)  It was easier (so I thought) to expect the worst and be angry at the world.  I honestly don’t know how some of you folks put up with me.  Obviously some didn’t, if you take a look at my dating resume.  Oy.

I don’t claim to be all self-righteous and pretend “Madge Knows Best”.  What I do know is I made some mistakes along the way, as well as some good decisions too.  I hope others can gain some insight from the lessons I’ve learned because things always seem a little more manageable when you know someone else has been through it and survived.  I also give helpful hints on things like which douchecopters to stay away from and how to prevent your kids from becoming A-holes, like those kids down the street.

I’ll keep you all updated.  Any questions, feel free to ask!


I’ll Be The Old Woman Carrying Booze Around In a Hot Water Bottle

28 Aug

I’m a freak.  Always have been, always will be.  But I like it.  No, I really love it.  Sometimes I forget that I’m a freak and I have to go back to my roots and things I love to remind myself.

I went to New York City this weekend to take my son to college at NYU.  I’m beginning to think that him going to NYU is going to benefit me every bit as much as it will him.  I feel alive.  Incredibly alive, when I go to the city.  I was born and raised near Buffalo and then lived most of my adult life in Rochester (minus 6 years in Denver).  I’ve been going to NY since I was a kid.  My Mother’s family all still lived where my Mom was raised in the Philly/NJ/NY triad.  Then during the summers when I was in college in the early/mid 80s, I worked at a camp in Western Massachusetts and we would spend all of our days off in NY.  Believe it or not, I was one of those Uptown meets Downtown kids hanging out in Washington Square Park with a boombox.  I was always a punk/new wave/fringe kid that could also don the pearls for a sorority soiree’.

Now my son is going to school on Washington Square Park.  And funny, going there now and looking in the stores, the 80s are back in.  Oy.  I’m having flashbacks.  I never thought this would happen to me in a million years.  Hey, and I never pushed my son to go there, I actually really wanted him to go to Cornell.  lol  But, maybe things happen for a reason.  Yea, I know things happen for a reason.

I stroll down the streets of the West Village and I see these women in their 70s that are wearing big funky colorful eyeglasses that look like Jackie O. at the Gay Pride parade.  They also happen to be wearing get ups that look like Carmen Miranda wearing combat boots. I WANT TO BE THAT LADY!

I just want to be quirky and adventurous and intellectual and and artsy and hip and eccentric.  I’m a little too young to be eccentric and I think I could only get away with the Combat Carmen look when I’m a senior citizen but I want to be an eccentric in training.  I want to be a 40 something outrageous Mae West meets Betsey Johnson (a fashion designer known for her whimsical/urban/new wave style).  I want to be sexy, sassy, funny, and hip.  Not douchie hip like those “Gallery Girls” on Bravo TV that I want to punch in the face, but just like, in the know on what’s trending and popular, maybe slightly ahead of the curve, but not pretentious about it.  I’ll sit in a neighborhood dive bar in the Village and trade funny stories for cocktails.  Make no mistake, I get the cocktails, they get the funny stories.

Betsey Johnson

Mae West

I gotta’ be me.  I always dreamed of living in New York City.  Not sure where that dream derailed.  Oh yea, I remember, I made a misguided decision at the end of college.  I decided to go the safe route, instead of striking out on my own in the big city.  Of course I didn’t have a job or money either.  I probably could have found some friends to live with.  Oh well, what can I do?  I took a different path.  As kids are getting older, I now have an opportunity to reinvent myself.  Maybe not reinvent,  just go back to my true self.  And my true self involves kicking ass and taking names… mostly those of garage band members and drag queens.

So… round two.  Maybe I get another chance to be true to my heart and soul?  Maybe I get another chance to be outrageous?  I have friends in the art world.  I have friends in bands.  I’ve been trying to slowly build my wardrobe back to eclectic.  I’m happy I got back to my roots and found some black and bedazzled cat eye sunglasses, that was my trademark back in college.  Ah if only I had money…  Looks like it’s fetish films for me, right gang?  Give me enough vodka and I can do it!  Fact is, I just need to get back to me somehow.

But this time I do things right.  This time around I will write more and find more career opportunities, I’ll get drunk but I won’t get that drunk, I won’t sell myself short with men, and I will have more confidence, self respect, and calculated drive.  Don’t get any ideas, I wasn’t a drunken lazy whore in my youth, I just uh well you know made a few poor choices along the way.  Shit happens.  *nervous laugh*

I keep telling my kids “You have to make things happen”.  When they whine about “Nobody is calling me to do anything.”, I tell them “Then you need to get on the phone and initiate an activity, try to get a group together to go to a movie or something”.  If they whine about not being selected for things at school or having trouble in a class, I tell them to go talk to the teacher, ask them what you did wrong, and what you can do going forward.  Don’t just sit back and wait for the universe, get off your tush and  grab the universe by the shirt collar and say, “Hey, I’m over here pal, where are we goin’?!”  Well it’s time to take my own advice.  So watch for me, I’ll be the famous writer lady in Doc Martens with a fruit bowl on her head.   Ay dios mio… hey ho, let’s go!

Oh, and please don’t forget to share this and like this and follow me here and all that good stuff!  Thanks loads!

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