Tag Archives: relationships

The Only Country Club Member on Food Stamps

31 Jan

Hey! If you haven’t been following along at home, I have a podcast now! Yes, yes I do. And I just posted my 7th Episode entitled The Only Country Club Member on Food Stamps, the Story of Madge. Click below and have a listen! Funny, inspiring, a little sad, a little sex, and of course a lot of booze! Pretty entertaining stuff!


Ep 7 The Only Country Club Member on Food Stamps, the Story of Madge

Thanks for listening and don’t forget to follow me while you’re there! Oh and share with your friends! xoxo


Here it is! My Podcast!

6 Dec

Here it is gang! My podcast!

You’re Soaking in It with Madge


Or Listen on SunCloud.com

Or Listen on iTunes


Seriously, This is Dating at 50? I’d Like a Refund…

13 Oct

(WARNING: This blog is filled with loads of sarcasm. If you don’t speak sarcasm, please turn back now.)

So yea, dating. I’ve been doing it a little bit… very little. In fact I don’t know if you can call most of what I’ve been doing dating. I mostly spectate as men try to get me in bed. Yea, I think that’s pretty accurate. Men don’t take women on dates anymore. And I wasn’t notified beforehand!

Dating at 50… you’d think it would be a lot more dignified. Nope. It’s pretty much the same as it was at 20, 30, 40. Now don’t start with the bullshit of, “You’ll find it when you least expect it”, “You’re looking in the wrong places”… I’m not even looking right now! The only attempts I’ve made are I occasionally swipe on Tinder, mostly when I’m bored and sitting in a waiting room for something. But no one ever talks on there. I get matched up and then no one ever sends a message. And screw it, I’m not sending a message. I’m convinced everyone else is doing the same thing I am and just browsing. And when a guy does finally send a message it’s something lame like “Hi”. Jesus, have some fucking game, dude!

I don’t belong to any other site. I was a non-paying customer on Plenty of Fish for a brief moment but I realized it should be called Plenty of Chum… there sure weren’t any good fish on there. Where are the yummy salmon, ahi tuna, swordfish, and whatever fancy high end fish there are out there? I felt like I was fishing in the Erie Canal and just left with my bait (chum) or catching the occasional carp.

So, I go out with friends, or I just do my usual social media for my personal brand and I have men approach me.  That’s the “action” I get. You’d think at 50 there would be lots of wining and dining. Nope. Instead there are a whole lot of dudes who are bitter and starting over, maybe living in a room above a friends’s garage, at odds with their children and bitching about child support. *sigh* And their idea of a date is “Let’s go to your place and bang, ‘cuz I have a roommate”. Seriously? No, thank you. Sitting at home with my thumb up my ass sounds loads more enticing. Look, I’m not looking for a sugar daddy or Daddy Warbucks but is it so hard to find a guy in a good place in life – happy, financially stable, sexually functioning, and wants to go out for a nice cocktail or meal? Crap, I’ll even settle for appetizers! I’ll pay half, even! I think society has just made it easy to put in as little effort as possible into anything anymore.

It’s like a bad joke, the more stable I become, the more everyone falls apart around me. Ha. Again, don’t give me the lecture about I’m looking for things I don’t deserve and being a gold digger, that’s not the case and you know it. Screw you, I’m 50, have a career, have kids in college, own a home, own a car, volunteer… I think I’m worth something beyond “Netflix and Chill”.  I’ve learned that you get what you feel you deserve, but that somehow hasn’t worked out yet.

However, I’m  just not into “searching” right now. I’d just like to meet new people. I go to events for work a lot, black ties and whatnot, but they are always women’s causes and issue and there aren’t any men there… well ones that haven’t been dragged by their wife, anyway. I have tons of gay friends, but hanging at gay bars has and will net me zero, obviously.  I’ve tried going to do interesting things – classes, groups. Nothing. Usually a lot of Star Wars collectors living in their parents’s basement and cat ladies. It’s not like in the movies or TV. At this point, I have no idea where the guys that butter my biscuit, float my boat, or lift my luggage are and where I would come in contact with them.

Look, I’m not better than anyone else, far from it. I’m sure I’ve been pegged as chum on Plenty of Fish myself. (btw, dude that did that – go fuck yourself) But it’s just a weird place to be in at 50. I don’t feel 50, I don’t look 50, I finally have my shit together, finances could be much better but I’m on the upswing and managing, I’m hip, I’ve got energy, I’m intelligent, I’ll make ya’ laugh, my boobs are still above the Equator… so, what am I missing?

As my trusted life consultant Life Coach Amy White says… it’s just not my time. And I agree. I used to fight people tooth and nail and get mad when they told me that, but I finally accept it. It’s just time for me to accomplish other things right now. There is not supposed to be a man to distract me or to give me an excuse not to accomplish my dreams. Like finishing the book I have coming out in a few weeks… stay tuned! And by the way, you MUST have a session with my friend Amy, she will change your life!

Aw crap, ok whatever. I’ll just sit and wait until whatever is supposed to happen will happen. I can’t believe I’m saying that. I mean, I’m not waiting for “the one” or “a serious relationship” or a “knight in shining armor”. I just want a date with a gentleman who gives me butterflies. Really, that’s all. It would be a bonus if it also included a mind-blowing romp at some point but hey, a girl can dream. So, I sit and dream and make other dreams come true in the meantime…


Does Joy Only Originate From Our Loins?

3 Oct

I wish I was romantic.  Not necessarily in relationships but in life.  Ya’ know like those in love with life people?  Would I feel better if I did?

Ya’ know what I mean, it’s like people who post stuff like this on Facebook:


Or this

Jumping people

Or this


And then like all their friends leave all these comments under the picture… “Gorgeous!”  “Amen!”  “That’s how I feel!”  “Inspirational” “Love!”

Me?  My reaction?


“Who gives a shit?”

*Crickets* Those pics mean absolutely nothing to me. I just keep scrolling down my feed lookin’ for dick jokes.  (not literally, it’s just a metaphor for “off color” jokes, dicks aren’t that entertaining to me, errr wait…)   While to some other people those pics inspire and warm their heart.  I just feel… nothing.

I never really thought about it before but… I wish they did elicit a response from me.  Maybe it’s my cynicism?  Well, I’m not really that cynical anymore, just I don’t know, I guess I lead more with my head than my heart.  Well I can be like warm and fuzzy.  I mean sometimes I do.  I think.   Like babies… babies make me stop dead in my tracks and grin from ear to ear.  I want to love them and hold them and pet them and call them George.  (5 bonus points to anyone who gets that)  That’s about the extent of my involuntary warm and fuzzies.  Well, also when my kids do something sweet or wonderful or makes me proud that’s a given, but that’s it.

I’m not a cold fish by any means but my heart just ain’t “swellin'” right now, if you know what I mean?  I think it has to do with what my life has been like for the past 20 some years.  I’ve either been destitute, struggling, alone, or in a chilly relationship.  I guess I haven’t had much time or need to “swell”.  I mean, I think I did, like when my kids were little.  I do remember being “joyful”, I guess that’s the word I’m looking for… being joyful.  I was joyful a handful of times when I stayed at home, my babies were little and cute and smart, and my ex wasn’t being a nasty drunk and we had money.  I think that was approximately 3 different days in a 22 year stretch.  Ok, maybe 6 times, I remember having an absolute euphoric feeling right after I gave birth to each of my 3 kids.  I’m still in love with my babies but it gets hard now that they are teens and can be in those “get the hell away from me Mom” moods.

And no offense to my current situation, but he knows we just have a very love/hate thing going on.  We’re both extremely sarcastic and neither of us is particularly happy with our lives or situation at the moment so, yea it’s no lovefest.  Never has been really, he, or we together just aren’t that way.  You know how some guys just aren’t mushy?  I can be mushy…?  But I think we have too much underlying animosity to be mushy.  I’d love to be mushy and romantic.

I know I was at one time, I had some old notes that my high school boyfriend and I had written back and forth.  I wore rose colored glasses at one point.  But does looking at the world romantically have everything to do with your relationships?  Does joy only form from our loins?  Maybe not, I’ve had sex that produced no joy.  Well, I do think relationships have a lot to do with it.   I mean my relationships in the past 25 years have either been with men who are sarcastic and emotionally unavailable or guys who just want to do me.  Ya’ know, no emotional involvement whatsoever, just a sexual tryst.   I’ve had a lot men wanting  the latter, maybe I should stop showing so much cleavage.  Hmmm.   You reap what you sow?  So, what’s to be joyful about?  I’d like to be cherished… is that still a thing?  Do people still do that?

I know it’s that old chestnut… start thinking a certain way and that’s what you’ll attract or whatever.  It’s the old chicken and egg thing… I need to start thinking joyful and romantic and that will bring that into my life?  I’d like to but I guess all I keep thinking is warm beer, stale chips, and unemotional men.   Maybe I should think champagne, caviar, and love?  Ugh, that’s too much like work.

So how do you get yourself to feel that way?  Any suggestions?  I was raised on a healthy diet of Irish negativity and  sarcasm, it’s kind of hard to break the cycle but I think I’d like to give it a go.  And please don’t steer me to that “The Secret” thing… I read that a while ago, it just didn’t click with me.  I tried to visualize and all that but I don’t know it just didn’t “change my life” like some people say.  I’m just not one to buy into schools of thought like The Secret or Tony Robbins or any other methods.  Maybe I’m just depressed and need more pills.  Jesus Christ, that’s all I need.

So… anybody else feel this way or is it just me?  Do any one of you feel joy when you look at those pics?  I’d love for you to tell me what it’s like…

Is to Forgive Divine or Really Stupid?

11 Oct

So Rihanna tells Oprah that Chris Brown was her best friend and she still loves him.  We all know what he did to her the night before the Grammy’s in February 2009.  He beat on her face.  And she still loves him.

Then within the year after that incident, Karrueche Tran (some young model broad) starts dating Chris Brown.  After, ya’ know, he beat his last girlfriend’s face in.  They just recently broke up.

I did a lot of research and all sources stated that measuring recidivism (repeating an undesirable act) was difficult because not everyone is willing to come clean with that info.  So then I tried to just find statistics on convictions of repeat offenders, which also gave varied stats, anywhere from 1/3 to 2/3 of domestic violence convictions were repeat offenders.  I found a statistic from the UK that 42% were repeat offenders.

So it looks like you have around a 50-50 shot that a guy’s going to beat a woman up again.   And it looks like Rihanna and Chris might be canoodling again, by the looks of some Tweets and interactions.  Is she right or is she wrong?

What about the whole forgiveness thing?  If you are of the Christian persuasion, forgiveness is supposed to be a staple of your beliefs.

 Matthew 18:21-22

“Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.”

Other religions offer the same advice as well, forgiveness.  But forgiveness and going in for another try are two different things.  ‘Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.”

I read a few articles with men telling their stories about being rehabilitated wife beaters.  They got help for anger management and whatever other issues they had that caused them to think it was ok to hit a woman.  The wife stayed with them and they said it stopped.  Ok.  I’m glad you got help.

Just like people who have committed murders and never repeated the offense.  Just like thieves who never stole again.  I guess there could be some men who never hit a woman again.  According to statistics, sexual offenders and rapists, not to make light but it seems like those are like Lays potato chips, no man can have just one.  Also I was reading a study that said Pedophiles can’t be “cured”, they can only have their urges controlled.  Along the same principle as alcoholism.  So, just as you wouldn’t think it wise to invite a recovering alcoholic out to a bar… I wouldn’t date a recovering pedophile and bring him home to my kids.  Are you a gambling person, do you take those 50-50 odds on a woman batterer?

So what does one do?  I’m one to err on the side of caution.  Having been a victim of… no not “victim”, I was a witness to domestic violence.  Pushing, shoving, verbal abuse, grabbing, fists through walls, but I wasn’t going to wait around to see the fist in my face.  I left and never looked back.  Ever.  Not even for a moment.  And I look for the signs in others.  But each case is different.  Should people be calling Rihanna a stupid whore on Twitter because she’s cozy with him again?  That seems kind of mean.  Should the public be so willing to idolize Chris Brown again as a pop star?  It’s all relative.  My problem with Chris Brown is that he has never seemed remorseful and never really apologized and has had further displays of anger and violence since the incident.  What’s more troubling is  he tells the New York Post’s Page Six Magazine. “At the end of the day, if I walk around apologizing to everybody, I’m gonna look like a damn fool.”  DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!  You should be apologizing the rest of your life!  As much as it takes.  That’s what I measure him by.

I know what I would do.  Do we have a right to judge what others do?  Do you try desperately to potentially save a woman’s life by telling her not to go back?  Or do you just stand by and shake your head?  I don’t know.  Words of warning can only do so much, then it’s up to free will.  Be safe, friends.

Is Clearing Up Old Business Being Disloyal?

21 Aug

All right, I’m doing an experiment.  I’m thinking about switching my blog over to this site.  I’ve found Blogspot a little hard to deal with and no one can ever leave a comment.  So I want to see if it’s easier to interact with people over here.

So let me write a little something to get the interaction going.  I sent an email to an old beau recently because something weighed heavily on my mind.  I have two daughters ages 13 and 15 to whom I’m trying to teach the virtues of womanhood.  Well, basically how not to get screwed over by men their whole lives.  I was trying to tell them to be true to yourselves, don’t let a boy pressure you into things and stand up for yourself.  Which made me think of something that happened in my past that I had to clear up.

This is going to seem kind of assinine but I do have this really strong sense of right and wrong that tends to get me in trouble.  Oh say like calling out authority figures when I know they have done something wrong or unethical.  I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut in order to keep jobs but sometimes I just can’t.  It’s almost like when Jim Carey just blurts out things in the movie “Liar Liar”, which I think is incredibly stupid but nonetheless it’s an example.  I can’t help it, it’s like an involuntary reaction to call people out.  Not like in a know it all way but when they contradict themselves or completely tell a lie.   Anyway, this thing that happened… in short, a boy I was in love with a long long time ago thought I cheated on him because another boy kissed me.  I did not and I had to tell him so… 32 years later.

A boy did kiss me, but he snuck up behind me in a backyard and pinned me against the side of the house, I had nothing to do with it, didn’t want it to happen.  Another boy happened upon us a few seconds later and I ran away.  I ran in the house crying.  Never told my boyfriend.  But several months later that other stupid boy did tell my boyfriend.  He immediately accused me of cheating, I tried to explain but he railroaded me into thinking I did something wrong.  I began to think I did something wrong.  I must have, right?  I must have smiled too much?  Wrong.  I did nothing.  See what that Catholic guilt does to ya’?  lol

So 32 years later I had to get it off my chest.  See I told ya’, I’m like the God damn Caped Crusader of truth or something.  I just can’t let some sh*t go.  But I also have a hard time sticking up for myself and letting people know that I am smart, I am truthful, I am loyal, and I am ethical.  So suck it.

Well 32 years later he’s married and has kids.  I write about the whole mishegas that I wrote above.  He sent me a couple of paragraphs saying he was trying to digest it all and that he was sorry and he was a jerk back then and how intense his feelings were for me back then and things might have been difference if he gave me a chance to explain.  It was nice.  He invited me to write more at anytime if I liked.  So I wrote back, and talked more about things rather in depth.  Then… he just kind of stopped.  Didn’t respond to my emails.  Did he think I was a kook who was still in love with him?  Did he not want to deal with old feelings out of respect for his wife?  Does he just not have time?  Does it really matter?

What would you do?  If you were married or in a committed relationship and an old love (like a really serious serious love of your life type) wanted to discuss some stuff and get closure?  Would you talk because it would help the other person heal?  Would you not talk because you thought it would stir up old feelings and lead to new feelilngs?  Would you think the other person was crazy for bringing up stuff from long ago?  It’s kind of that Facebook dilemna, should you mingle with old flames on there?  I’m friends with several guys on FB that I had once dated, they are all married and nothings going on, we never flirt.  We might send a note saying “Hey this band played a Joy Division song and I thought of you, you should check them out”.  Is that harmless or harmful?

Please leave a comment and discuss.  I want to see if it’s easier to interact with readers on this site.  Thanks!

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