Tag Archives: Love

Fun With Vintage Creepy Valentine Cards!

11 Feb

Remember in elementary school when you bought (or rather your mother bought) that box of small Valentine’s Day cards and you filled out each one with a name of a classmate and then signed your name?  Remember how you would carefully choose the coolest, cutest, favoritest character ones?  Then if you waited too long to go buy them, you had to pick from whatever was left like some lame Tom & Jerry shit or that ratchet ho Strawberry Shortcake?  And the messages sucked.

As an adult I love to use little kids Valentines and make them sound inappropriate. Here are some retro Valentines that I would love to see brought back for modern use because, well… they’re odd and more left open to interpretation. You wanna’ be a perv? Knock yourself out with some of these. You wanna’ be cutesy and corny? You’ve struck pay dirt here…

 

  1. Mrs valentine

Oh yes, because we gals are all still going to college solely for our MRS degrees.

 

2. typing valentine

Perhaps if you sat in a more ergonomic way, you could…

 

3. condenser valentine

I don’t even… What the fuck is this?

 

4. Hunting Valentine

From the “Serial Killer Valentine Collection”… Creepy.

 

5. Nut valentine

The 2016 Tinder version of this Valentine would be “Lick These Nuts Valentine”… which would be followed by a picture of nuts NOT of the plant variety…

 

6. Astronaut valentine

Now THAT is some genius copy writing, right there…

 

7. Liz Taylor valentine

To see Liz later in life, she must have been compensated a lifetime of Whitman’s Chocolates for this ad…

Liz FAt

 

 

8. Cat pussy

All the Freudian images you need… cats and licking. Your gal will be purring…

 

9. Vegan Valentine

For the Vegans…

 

10. Sock valentine

Nothing says love like a dirty, worn out sock. Especially if it’s the one he uses in “private time”…

 

Happy Valentine’s Day from your old pal Madge. Feel free to add any fun Valentines’ you find down in the comments…

 

Advertisements

Why Do I Care About You, I Don’t Even Know You?

10 Sep

Holy cow, it’s been a while eh? Well it’s been an action-packed six weeks or so for me.

Most of August was spent caring for my significant other as he had to undergo surgery for prostate cancer. Everything eventually turned out ok, and we are monitoring things over the next few months to make sure it isn’t anywhere else. He was in the hospital for almost a week as he had developed an infection, so it was a little stressful.

I also had to get my son home from working at camp in Massachusetts and then get him back to school at NYU. Then had to prepare my 2 daughters for back to high school. I’ve also been crazy busy with my new position as Associate Editor at Rochester Woman Magazine.

Soooo… how’ve you all been?

Other than that stuff, it’s been kind of and emotional week or two. A lot has happened that has little to nothing to do with me but I find it emotional… and I wonder what the hell is wrong with me?

For one, Robin Williams. Enough said. Then Joan Rivers died. I enjoyed watching Fashion Police every Friday night, and her shows after each award show were a must-see. I saw her in a whole new light after I saw a documentary on her about a year ago called “Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work”. That woman had been through everything, was educated and had to fight her way into show biz. She worked like a fiend and was a fantastic writer. She wrote every day. She was an entrepreneur who wasn’t happy unless her schedule was full from dusk ’til… dusk. She was a role model and idol to me. I was very sad. I was so sad this week after Martina Navratilova proposed to her girlfriend… Joan would have had a helluva’ joke. She had the best lesbian jokes.

Also a police officer was killed in the line of duty here in my city of Rochester, NY. A 32 year old young man, with 2 young children and a wife. Gunned down by some piece of shit parolee that he was chasing. All kinds of pomp and circumstance and rituals and traditions. Such dignity and honor, somber yet uplifting. Moving, really. But so sad. It really hit my heart hard.

You may have seen the unresponsive plane that went flying through Cuban airspace and then crashed off the coast of Jamaica? The two people in the plane that died were a lovely couple that belonged to our country club and pillars of the community. I was glued to the TV feeling dread while they followed the plane. She built a catalog company from the ground up, he was a millionaire real estate developer that was re-building downtown Rochester. Only in their late 60’s. Just nice decent folks.

Then all the stuff with Ray and Janay Rice. Geez, what do you say? You watch the video and you’re just… in disbelief. You wanna’ knock him out and you want to cry. Then she comes out with that “Why you gotta’ hurt my man and me?” statement and I just wanted to… take her away, or shake her, or tell her how that’s not how she deserves to be treated. I know how hard it is to leave. The batterer threatens the woman that if she leaves he’ll kill her or the kids or himself. Leaving is scary, whether it’s fear for your safety or fear of losing financial stability.  It brought back old memories that just turned my stomach in knots.

So, why do I get so emotional about stuff? I guess maybe because I was born with a caring heart, which sometimes makes me a big ole pushover and let’s others take advantage of me, it also makes me waste energy on caring about people that have no idea who I am. But I guess it’s good, it’s good to feel things, experience a full range of emotions, that’s living life to it’s fullest. It’s also made me a good parent.

Although sometimes I wish I didn’t care because I could probably be further in business. Sociopaths (people who don’t have empathy) are usually the most successful people. It’s true, I read it on the interwebz. I probably also wouldn’t spend more time than I wanted to on men I didn’t really want to date. ha I mean sorry but I’ve had more than my share of pity dates (I’m sure I’ve been the recipient of some too), I’ve also spent much much longer than I wanted to painfully listening to a guy in a bar telling me all about his love of Nickleback (Ack), just because I thought it was rude to walk away. In the meantime, Prince Charming who made a witty remark to me and was waiting for me to come back to the bar had already left. Sad face.

I guess it’s good to have a big heart but it can also be emotionally exhausting. I’ve learned how to curb it, I don’t let it consume me and I don’t bring it up to others (most of the time) because I don’t want to seem like I like to insert myself into emotional stuff just to get attention. Like some sort of Munchausen Syndrome. I bring it up today because well, I’m kind of curious if I’m a freak or not. I’ve always been this way. Tomorrow is 9/11, guaranteed I will have a bout of tears just like I have every 9/11 since 2001. Is that weird? Do I like humans too much? I wish I could give the whole world a hug… and maybe a reach-a-round if they’re lucky.

Maybe it’s just PMS. A lot.

Please take care of yourselves and each other. That is all.

 

What’s Your Problem with Gays?

27 Feb

It has always baffled me exactly what the reason is that homophobes hate homosexuals.

The first thing people say is, “God says it’s bad, it’s in the bible!  It’s a sin!  It’s an abomination!”

A sin?  Well it’s not one of the Ten Commandments.  And we all know how much conflicting stuff there is in the bible.  Somebody said eating shrimp was an abomination in there too.  You can argue about the meaning of “adultery” whether it’s sex with married people… that you’re not married to, or if it’s sex between any people who are not married to each other (i.e. both single).  If that is the case, why aren’t people out protesting against adulterers?  Why aren’t people banning adulterers from military service, marching in parades, getting medical benefits from each other, or getting married?  Murder and theft are also sins, why aren’t people banning murderers and thieves from getting married and marching in parades?  I know they have trouble with getting jobs and renting apartments sometimes… funny so do my homosexual friends.

OK let’s ignore the “Bible” excuse.  What’s the real problem?  You think it’s gross?  So is 7/8’s of the stuff that goes on in your own bedroom or porn movies and mags.  I’ve had men ask me to do stuff that I think is disgusting… I didn’t go and tell them they can’t get married or adopt kids or visit their loved one on their deathbed.  I say no thanks, not for me and move on.  Did that hurt anybody?  I think perhaps the things they wanted to do to my “exit in the rear” would hurt a lot more than saying “no thanks”.

Fun fact: I know a guy who says he’s not a homophobe because “he has no problem with ‘them’ as long as they leave him alone” and liberally uses the word fag and faggot as a demeaning term… guess what his favorite thing in the world to do with women is?  You guessed it… anal sex!  Explain that one, macho guy…  And one time I asked him what would you do if a gay guy hit on you in a bar, he said he’d punch him in the face.  I then asked what he’d do if a woman whom he wasn’t interested in hit on him, he said he’d politely say “no thank you”.  Wha?!

Let’s not even start with the latent homosexual theory.  I don’t know if it’s that they have homosexual stirrings and are self-loathing and fighting them or they fear if they are friendly toward gays they will some how lose their virility card.  I don’t know, we’ll have to take that up with Dr. Freud another time…

Who gives a shit?  Really?  Seriously?  How does it hurt you?  Don’t give me that marriage integrity crap, that’s gone out the window along time ago with Liz Taylor’s 8th marriage, Newt Gingrich’s 3rd marriage, and Larry King’s 7th marriage.

Some of the people that have enriched my life the most and loved me the most in my life have been gay.  If I was judgmental, look at the joy I would have missed out on?  Not to mention the great hairstyles, floral arrangements, and interior decorating I would have missed!  I’m kidding, I’m kidding, it was a joke!  My gay friends joke about the stereotypes all the time, oy.  As my friend TJ says, “Hey Girl!” is American Gay for “Hello”.  🙂

It just bothers me when people stubbornly stand by principles that are not hurting anybody else.  Who made you judge and jury?  Who made you God?  If there is some problem, God or whatever higher power will judge them.  Maybe there is no judge even?  If there isn’t then who cares?

Live and let live I say.  I’m so tired of people and their damn self-righteous bullshit.  Let he who is without sin cast the first stone… as they say.

Mating Ritual: Finding Your Foot Fetish Equal

12 Dec

What is love?

Yea, I don’t mean this as a sappy, philosophical, your ass is covered in syrup talk… wait what?

I mean like… ok, I do some fundraising and marketing work for a non-profit that helps women transition from domestic violence.  It also educates on prevention.  Not just for women how to avoid it, but for men not to do it.  And we don’t just deal in physical violence, there is all kinds of emotional abuse you can be subjected to, like…

Do you have a partner that insists they control all the money and withholds it from you when you don’t “behave” accordingly?

Do you have a partner that calls you names?

Do you have a partner that needs to know where you are all the time?

Do you have a partner that has slowly isolated you from all your family and friends because he/she says they are all stupid, lame, losers, etc.?

Do you have a partner that insists you have sex when you don’t want to because if you don’t you don’t love them?

Do you have a partner that makes it all about them?  Nothing is ever their fault?

Do you have a partner that blames you for everything that they do wrong?  “You made me get a speeding ticket, I was mad”  “You made me hit you”

So, there are those questions about living with an emotional batterer.  If you answered yes to any, I suggest you get help.  Ask me for resources if you don’t know.  ‘Cuz yea,, those actions aren’t cool.

But anyway, one of the things we discussed  when we were working on a program was asking each individual a question… “What does love mean to you?”

love is grand

Now… this is a kettle of fish of a different color.  You can get all kinds of responses.  And it’s ok.  Someone may think love is having someone that completes them.  (blech)  Oh sorry I said I wouldn’t judge.  Other ideas of love may be…

Someone who cares for me as  much as I care for them.

Someone who loves everything about me.

Someone who treats me like a princess/prince.

Someone who treats me just like my Mom/Dad did.

Someone who will tolerate my smoking weed all day.

Someone who wants to couple swap.

Someone who likes to hit the dog track as much as I do.

Someone who enjoys my foot fetish.

foot_fetish_cat_by_cheshiresworld-d36grg8

 

Love is a very individual thing.  And you know, that’s fine.  There are some people who I just don’t agree with their ideas… you know like the whole “treat me like my Mom”, um that’s not adult love, that’s Mommy/child love and not healthy and you have issues.  I also don’t agree with “treat me like a princess/prince”, once in a while is fine but 24/7 is selfish and narcissistic, and insinuates the other person is “lesser” than you.

HOWEVER, if the other person is ok with your view and chooses to live that way… who am I to judge?  But when someone is forcing you to accept their definition of love, when homie don’t play that, well then that’s abusive.   If you say you don’t want to do something or act a certain way and they brow beat you or physically force you to do it, then you have an abusive situation on your hands.

But I go back to my point… what is love?  Is love to you a mute girl, with no teeth, who can rest your beer can on her head?  That’s ok, just get the fuck off my blog!  No, no, Madge spreads the love here.  But no really, get the fuck out.

I have a lot of things I’d like to have in love.  Friendship, laughter, emotional intimacy, passion, good sex, learning and growing together.  Did I mention the sex part?  Oh, yea I did.  Hey, I’m not dead yet.  Anyway, my most important issue is equality.  Equality on  being a person level.  Like equal parts selflessness.  I don’t wash your car so I can hold it over your head, I wash it because I wanted to do something nice or I know your busy.  You don’t fix me dinner, so you can ask me endlessly for praise about it, or tell me 18 times later how much you have done for me.  Loving acts all come out in the wash to me.  I need someone who shares my belief that you don’t do nice things to get something in return… you just do it to be nice.

So, what does love mean to you?  Whatever it is… I mean like if two douchebags find each other, good for them, just make sure you’re happy and on the same page.  If you’re not, you might want to re-think that shiz…

Does Joy Only Originate From Our Loins?

3 Oct

I wish I was romantic.  Not necessarily in relationships but in life.  Ya’ know like those in love with life people?  Would I feel better if I did?

Ya’ know what I mean, it’s like people who post stuff like this on Facebook:

The_love_of_my_life

Or this

Jumping people

Or this

LoveLife

And then like all their friends leave all these comments under the picture… “Gorgeous!”  “Amen!”  “That’s how I feel!”  “Inspirational” “Love!”

Me?  My reaction?

IMG_20130219_160427

“Who gives a shit?”

*Crickets* Those pics mean absolutely nothing to me. I just keep scrolling down my feed lookin’ for dick jokes.  (not literally, it’s just a metaphor for “off color” jokes, dicks aren’t that entertaining to me, errr wait…)   While to some other people those pics inspire and warm their heart.  I just feel… nothing.

I never really thought about it before but… I wish they did elicit a response from me.  Maybe it’s my cynicism?  Well, I’m not really that cynical anymore, just I don’t know, I guess I lead more with my head than my heart.  Well I can be like warm and fuzzy.  I mean sometimes I do.  I think.   Like babies… babies make me stop dead in my tracks and grin from ear to ear.  I want to love them and hold them and pet them and call them George.  (5 bonus points to anyone who gets that)  That’s about the extent of my involuntary warm and fuzzies.  Well, also when my kids do something sweet or wonderful or makes me proud that’s a given, but that’s it.

I’m not a cold fish by any means but my heart just ain’t “swellin'” right now, if you know what I mean?  I think it has to do with what my life has been like for the past 20 some years.  I’ve either been destitute, struggling, alone, or in a chilly relationship.  I guess I haven’t had much time or need to “swell”.  I mean, I think I did, like when my kids were little.  I do remember being “joyful”, I guess that’s the word I’m looking for… being joyful.  I was joyful a handful of times when I stayed at home, my babies were little and cute and smart, and my ex wasn’t being a nasty drunk and we had money.  I think that was approximately 3 different days in a 22 year stretch.  Ok, maybe 6 times, I remember having an absolute euphoric feeling right after I gave birth to each of my 3 kids.  I’m still in love with my babies but it gets hard now that they are teens and can be in those “get the hell away from me Mom” moods.

And no offense to my current situation, but he knows we just have a very love/hate thing going on.  We’re both extremely sarcastic and neither of us is particularly happy with our lives or situation at the moment so, yea it’s no lovefest.  Never has been really, he, or we together just aren’t that way.  You know how some guys just aren’t mushy?  I can be mushy…?  But I think we have too much underlying animosity to be mushy.  I’d love to be mushy and romantic.

I know I was at one time, I had some old notes that my high school boyfriend and I had written back and forth.  I wore rose colored glasses at one point.  But does looking at the world romantically have everything to do with your relationships?  Does joy only form from our loins?  Maybe not, I’ve had sex that produced no joy.  Well, I do think relationships have a lot to do with it.   I mean my relationships in the past 25 years have either been with men who are sarcastic and emotionally unavailable or guys who just want to do me.  Ya’ know, no emotional involvement whatsoever, just a sexual tryst.   I’ve had a lot men wanting  the latter, maybe I should stop showing so much cleavage.  Hmmm.   You reap what you sow?  So, what’s to be joyful about?  I’d like to be cherished… is that still a thing?  Do people still do that?

I know it’s that old chestnut… start thinking a certain way and that’s what you’ll attract or whatever.  It’s the old chicken and egg thing… I need to start thinking joyful and romantic and that will bring that into my life?  I’d like to but I guess all I keep thinking is warm beer, stale chips, and unemotional men.   Maybe I should think champagne, caviar, and love?  Ugh, that’s too much like work.

So how do you get yourself to feel that way?  Any suggestions?  I was raised on a healthy diet of Irish negativity and  sarcasm, it’s kind of hard to break the cycle but I think I’d like to give it a go.  And please don’t steer me to that “The Secret” thing… I read that a while ago, it just didn’t click with me.  I tried to visualize and all that but I don’t know it just didn’t “change my life” like some people say.  I’m just not one to buy into schools of thought like The Secret or Tony Robbins or any other methods.  Maybe I’m just depressed and need more pills.  Jesus Christ, that’s all I need.

So… anybody else feel this way or is it just me?  Do any one of you feel joy when you look at those pics?  I’d love for you to tell me what it’s like…

Hello, I Loathe You – Being Friendly to People You Can’t Stand

29 Nov

I’ve always taught my children that “hate” is a very strong and serious word.   Unless of course you are referring to shoes.  You can definitely hate ugly shoes.  Oh also you are allowed to hate that disgusting sound that guys make when they are trying to clear their sinuses via their throat and mouth.  However, we shouldn’t use it regarding people.  Never once have my kids played the “I hate you” card on me or any of their siblings or Father or friends.  I’m pretty proud of that.  *pats back*  I’ve taught them that words can hurt and can come back to bite them.

But you know, sometimes it does slip out when say, someone is watching TV and maybe like Teresa Guidice from RHONJ will come on and my daughter will say, “Oh my God, I hate her”.  Sometimes I’ll say “Now now, hate is a very strong word” and… sometimes I’ll just forget about it because I hate her too.  I mean, I “can’t stand” her.

I try to use the words “I can’t stand…”.  By the way, I don’t know where my aversion to the word hate came from, I guess my Mother.  She always said not to use it, I guess that’s her attempt at a kinder, gentler world.

So, to get to the main point of this blog… there are people I just can’t stand in this world.  I also pride myself on being honest and true to my beliefs.  But I do think being honest and true to my beliefs doesn’t mean I have to be an asshole to people I don’t care for.  Right?

I can’t be the only jerk that has people in my life that I can’t stand, yet I see them regularly and treat them civilly, nay even pleasantly?  Am I a two-faced twat?  (in my world twat is pronounced as the British do with a short A instead of a long one, sounds less offensive, like cat)  Please say it isn’t so?  Come on, really guys… I’m just being nice.  Or instead of a pleasant greeting should I look at them, fold my arms, and say “You annoy the shit out of me”?

Really, don’t you have people that you have to interact with frequently that you just can’t stand?  The very thought of them makes your skin crawl and your eye twitch?  I do.  Ok, I’ll tell you a secret…

There is a person who I interact with… hmmm, you never know who reads this blog, I’ll try to be vague.  This person, well, um… I run into them sometimes at a place that is very important to my friend so I can’t make waves.  But um… I have interactions with this person outside of that place and listening to this person makes me want to stab my own eyeballs with a rusty screwdriver and then kick them in the face with my fabulous Jessica Simpson stilettos I got at TJ Maxx for $15.  This person is sooooo narcissistic, a complete attention whore, and has a superiority complex.  Yes, they think everything they know or do is far superior to you.  But they aren’t snobby and dry, they are condescending in a cutesie way.  It’s maddening because it’s so well masked, those without superior intellect like myself can’t sense it.  (ya see what I did there, oh the irony)  And worst of all they think they are really hip when they are incredibly lame.  I find that to be the most offensive.  Clutch the pearls!

But it is necessary to keep the peace.  Right?  RIGHT?  Or am I being a big phony baloney because I really loathe this person down deep inside?  Oh yes, I love the word loathe… I guess loathe > hate, but hate sounds more angry.  Loathe just portrays utter contempt.  Ok whatever, it’s semantics… take it up with Madelyn.  That’s my Mother.  I guarantee she will still tell you not to say hate, even though she says she hates Rush Limbaugh.  Again, do not argue with this 86 year old feisty Irish woman… you will not win.

I digress… do we always have to be “a hunert”?  That’s how the cool gangsta urban kids say “100%” as in “I’m being 100% honest with you”.  Must I always be completely honest in regards to my feelings or dealings with people?  I kind of “hate” myself every time I am nice to someone I can’t stand but then I also feel I did the right thing.   Ya’ know being Catholic and all, that whole “Do unto others” jazz.  But it’s a yucky feeling when those two feelings clash and I feel the need to shower and scrub with a loofah.  But I guess my final thought is, there wouldn’t be terrorism or hate crimes or war if people just kept their feelings of dislike/contempt/loathing… even hate, to themselves.  *kicks dirt*

Break Room Stories

Service Industry Stories and More Since 2012

Misadventures in Strange Places

Speculations in food, beer, and strange fiction.

GASTRO-a-go-go

Carefully crafted recipes by someone who has decades of experience eating food.

Pouring My Art Out

Ripping out my guts for your entertainment

Beyond The Edge

A fine WordPress.com site

Seth Adam Smith

Light in the Wilderness

Ostara gets a divorce

Musings about divorcing a diagnosed psychopath and the perils of surviving the court system

KennethJustice.com

The Periphrastic Mind Of A Liberal Arts Major

Your Family Should Have a Show

I heard from too many people "Your family should have it's own show!" Since that wasn't going to happen, I created this blog.

The Office Inbetweener

SOME GUYS JUST AREN'T CUT OUT FOR A 9 TO 5...

Friendly Dish

Suffering from an addiction to the ridiculous real housewives? You've come to the right place

29 going on slut

Good girl goes rogue

idiotprufs

Illegal in 38 states--frowned upon in the rest.

The Mightier Pen's Blog

SEO, Web Content & Article Marketing Advice

erikchristian

Brain Abundance News

HomeProfitStream

"Your Insight Into Social Media, News and Marketing"