Tag Archives: funny

The Only Country Club Member on Food Stamps

31 Jan

Hey! If you haven’t been following along at home, I have a podcast now! Yes, yes I do. And I just posted my 7th Episode entitled The Only Country Club Member on Food Stamps, the Story of Madge. Click below and have a listen! Funny, inspiring, a little sad, a little sex, and of course a lot of booze! Pretty entertaining stuff!

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Ep 7 The Only Country Club Member on Food Stamps, the Story of Madge

Thanks for listening and don’t forget to follow me while you’re there! Oh and share with your friends! xoxo

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Madge’s Got Back… Cover

2 May

 

Big Announcement!

God willing… and if the planets are aligned, my book will be available for sale Monday May 6th! Stay tuned for links to buy (Amazon, Kindle, etc.) You want to know what it’s about? Here’s the back cover… click on pic to enlarge if you can’t read or ya’ know if ya’ got a lazy eye or somethin’. Come ‘n get it, y’all!

 

Back Cover

 

 

Ok, onward and upward!  On to another installment of Kickstarter Backers Rewards!  Next we have my tribute to Mr. Dana Snyder!

Dana, Dana, Dana.  Dana is another college friend.  I met Dana my sophomore year, he was I believe co-general manager of the college radio station I worked at (and we were both broadcasting majors)  and he happened to be an RA up on the third floor of my dorm where I hung out a lot.

Dana was the wicked cool RA.  (That’s what we said in Maine)  Dana was into all the cool new wave music I was into, he was also into competitive cycling, and he had a dead pan delivery that could have you in tears.  I can’t even explain it, Dana has this very innocent face, ok yes he was really cute in college, I think he used to look kind of like Sting back in the day… anyway, he would say these very, um like kind of… does anyone remember Emily Litella, the character from SNL played by Gilda Radner?  She was always confusing words, like “What’s all this I hear about violins on TV?  I think violins are lovely?”   He would say stuff like that in a total dead pan delivery.  I think people that didn’t know him probably thought he was mildly retarded.

And yes, I think every other girl in the dorm had a crush on him.  I will not confirm or deny that I had a mild crush at one time. *ahem*   But hey he was irresistable… cute and funny.  Ok and a bit of a nerd.  It was weird, I was friends with all of these guys on the third floor.  It was the 80s, they were preppy/pothead/ski bum/fraternity bro/girl scamming/music lovin’ guys, but… they all wanted to go down to dinner at a specific time so they could race back up to the TV lounge to watch re-runs of Star Trek.  *crickets*

Yea, it was the mid 80s, re-runs of the original Star Trek – William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, et al.  Seriously, run and leave you behind in a hurry.  To watch Star Trek.  Bunch of dorks.  Cheers would erupt if it was a favorite episode.  And Dana was one of them.  I guess that’s why I loved all those guys, they were very diverse in their interests.  Yea, that’s it.

I also remember Dana had a cool button collection on his jacket.  We new wave dorks had collections of buttons on our jackets in the 80s.   It was usually names of bands, or the occasional slogan “Why be normal?”.  Anyway, I still have one of the buttons I traded him for, it was an Insect Surfers button.  I have no idea what I traded.

Oh another item I have from him and I’m sure he’ll be surprised.  Two of the guys that lived on his floor were Gus and Nick.  They were roommates and 2 of my best friends.  They were both a bit hyper and had their own language.  So one night in my junior year Dana and a few others were over at my apartment and we decided to make a “Nictionary”, named after Nick of course.  There were things like… everything ended in “age” as in “I’m going to get some drinkage and eatage”.  Also, “I was totally luggage” or “She was totally Samsonite” which meant someone was passed out from drinking.  Girl’s breasts were torpedoes or ICMB’s.  Yea, they were equal opportunity offenders.

But Dana thought it was funny and we created a dictionary and I still have it.  And now he’s grown up, married to the fabulous Alice whom he had been dating since college much to the dismay of many a campus co-ed.  And he has two wonderful chidren, one a college student, the other a recent college grad.  He was in NY on business a few years ago and we went out to dinner.  He hasn’t changed a bit… except for he’s even skinnier than college.  Who does that?!  Anyway, incredibly grateful for Dana and his support and friendship… and all the laughs.

Sneak Peek at Book Cover Meets Motivational Madge

18 Apr

You want a sneak peek at my book cover?

So here it is…  I just get all tittery (pun intended) when I see this.  I’m like all giggly excited.  It looks like a real book now, doesn’t it?

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(there is no actual green frame on the cover, that’s just a function of this blog wanting to frame inserted pics)

Yea I designed the cover, beyotch!  I’m multi-talented like that.  Just like a high end hooker that can cook!  (not me, I can’t cook)

I have no delusions of grandeur that this book will win a Pulitzer or will launch me into worldwide fame… but if someone recognizes me locally from all of my internet propaganda and it gets me a drink at a bar faster, I’ll be a happy gal.

I’m trying something I’ve wanted to do for a while ,(putting together a book) and that is victory enough for me.  But hey I’ll throw in some lofty goals, why not?  Aim high, shoot low… or something.  Let’s sell these suckers!  Baby needs a new pair of shoes…  well more like oldest baby needs to be able to stay at expensive university!

Book will be out soon, waiting on some final production tweaks and logistics.  Will let you know.  Aiming for beginning of May.

Which brings me to… going after your dreams.  Me being the eternal, perpetual, life long pessimist, cynic, realist, and naysayer… I say take a chance.  What what?!  Yea, those that have known me a long time have just dropped their shit on the floor.  Oh I still have all the doubt in me.  I still feel my whole family is snickering behind my back and my Father in heaven and my Mother in Tucson have their brows furrowed.  But after raising kids by myself  for most of the last 19 years and at almost 48, I say fuck it.

I come from a background of “Don’t get a big head”.  Like even to the point of getting an A on a test brought “Well you better keep it up” and “Why not an A+”.  Just the usual Irish Catholic self-flagellation and cynicism, nothing terrible.  So I have a lot of thoughts in my head like “Big deal anybody and everybody can put out a book now and does” or that people who actually know good writing will think it blows.   And it may.  But I’ll try.  And I’ll learn.  And the next one will be better.  And maybe it will open a door to other things.  All I know is certain voices in my head and heart tell me I have to make my own way since I haven’t ever seemed to find great success in corporate or small-medium business America.

I’ve had to analyze my characteristics in the past year or so to plan a solid future now that the panic of  lone handling small children has passed.  Now it’s, how do I sustain a household with teenagers and college students?  Well I excel at snark and smart assery (Maureen I borrowed your word).  And a few folks with good authority said I can write good.  Uh, I mean well.  (see I do funny irony too)  So, let’s throw this up against the wall and see what sticks.

It’s overcoming your fears.  If I can emerge from public assistance and three kids on my own, so can you… well I mean not necessarily that you have foodstamps and 3 kids too, I just mean anyone with problems… you know… well you know what I mean.

But you have to have a plan.  Plan it out.  Don’t quit your day job just yet.  (Unless you have a rich spouse or parents).  Don’t be afraid to try.  Well you can still be a little afraid but just do what I did, stuff it deep down inside where you can still hear it’s muffled cries but its hands are bound securely and can’t hold you back.  🙂  Go on girl!

Show Me the Funny Blogs, Please!

24 Jan

All right minions, I need you to do my bidding!

I’ve been on this kind of blog research kick thingy lately.  I’ve been trying to spread my seed (not in a biblical way), connect with people, find new blogs, find new interesting people to interact with.  Not that you guys aren’t interesting, but ya’ know the more the merrier.

So, I’m looking around and… I can’t find much.  😦

Oh I’m sure it’s out there, I just haven’t found it.

In my interwebz travels I have seen a whole lot of “inspirational” blogs.  You know the kind that post pics of waterfalls and sunsets, and everything brings an epiphany.  That’s nice and all but I’m not that serious.  I have my deep side but I don’t want to dwell in it too long, you get consumed.  No offense to your rainbows and shiz.  Namaste.

Then there are a whole lot of “subject” blogs.  A lot of stuff that doesn’t pertain to me.  Computer tech blogs, home remodeling blogs, food blogs, bike riding blogs, fitness blogs, CEO blogs, pet owner blogs, refrigerator repairman blogs, etc.  The only 2 “subjects” that I check out once in a while are writing and marketing.  But there is only so much of that I can take.  Not to be all like “the world revolves around me” but if I’m not interested  in the subject why do I want to read it?  Well sometimes I just open stuff up to see what’s there and how good (or bad) the writing is, but I’m not subscribing.  How many of you men out there have a subscription to “Scrapbooking Monthly”?  I rest my case.

Then there are the blogs that I am most over… Mommy Blogs.  Again, no offense (which totally means I WILL inevitably offend someone) but there are 8 million Mommy Blogs.  They all basically say the same thing, “My kids are a handful, but are the cutest in the world, and I’m so cute with my wearing pajamas all day or going to work with spitup on my dress”.  I TOTALLY get that!  That WAS me… about 12 years ago.  I did the little kid thing, mostly by myself and I don’t need to relive being totally out of milk and food and having to pack up 3 kids under the age of 6 (2 of which were having meltdowns) to make an otherwise 5 minute trip to the store because their Father took off.   I’m getting an anxiety attack just thinking about it.  Seriously, like I just got a rash…

I mean I don’t mind parenting blogs, after all I’m still a parent.  Mine just happen to be 19, 16, and 14 now.  I’m on to things like sexting, sports injuries, drinking and sex at college, drinking and sex in high school, proper use of Instagram’s Insta-Chat, internships, college applications, walking the fine line between adult and kid, and when is it ok for your over 18 kid to swear in front of you when you curse like a sailor?  It’s just a different place, that’s all.

So, what I’m asking is… please send me the funny.  Really, please recommend funny blogs to me.  And not to be a putz but some of the supposed “really funny” blogs out there are just… not funny.  To me.   I like clever wit.  Really smart stuff.  The Bloggess is ok but I don’t know, the lazy underachieving Mom thing has been done to death. (even though I do it a little, but I temper it with overachieving kids, heh) My friend Renee’ Schuls-Jacobson is a chuckle when she’s not being emo or inspirational.  heh heh xo girl!   Also, I adore my kindred spirit MG , with a blog name like Smartassery how can I not love?

If I’ve forgotten any of you, please forgive me.  But I beg you, please point me towards some funny blogs.  Like funny smart, slightly weird blogs.  I love quirky, campy.  Oh, I love me some drag queens!  If you know any of them, show me.  And if you have a blog of your own, feel free to share.  Please provide links below in the comments!  Thanks!

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