What is love?
Yea, I don’t mean this as a sappy, philosophical, your ass is covered in syrup talk… wait what?
I mean like… ok, I do some fundraising and marketing work for a non-profit that helps women transition from domestic violence. It also educates on prevention. Not just for women how to avoid it, but for men not to do it. And we don’t just deal in physical violence, there is all kinds of emotional abuse you can be subjected to, like…
Do you have a partner that insists they control all the money and withholds it from you when you don’t “behave” accordingly?
Do you have a partner that calls you names?
Do you have a partner that needs to know where you are all the time?
Do you have a partner that has slowly isolated you from all your family and friends because he/she says they are all stupid, lame, losers, etc.?
Do you have a partner that insists you have sex when you don’t want to because if you don’t you don’t love them?
Do you have a partner that makes it all about them? Nothing is ever their fault?
Do you have a partner that blames you for everything that they do wrong? “You made me get a speeding ticket, I was mad” “You made me hit you”
So, there are those questions about living with an emotional batterer. If you answered yes to any, I suggest you get help. Ask me for resources if you don’t know. ‘Cuz yea,, those actions aren’t cool.
But anyway, one of the things we discussed when we were working on a program was asking each individual a question… “What does love mean to you?”
Now… this is a kettle of fish of a different color. You can get all kinds of responses. And it’s ok. Someone may think love is having someone that completes them. (blech) Oh sorry I said I wouldn’t judge. Other ideas of love may be…
Someone who cares for me as much as I care for them.
Someone who loves everything about me.
Someone who treats me like a princess/prince.
Someone who treats me just like my Mom/Dad did.
Someone who will tolerate my smoking weed all day.
Someone who wants to couple swap.
Someone who likes to hit the dog track as much as I do.
Someone who enjoys my foot fetish.
Love is a very individual thing. And you know, that’s fine. There are some people who I just don’t agree with their ideas… you know like the whole “treat me like my Mom”, um that’s not adult love, that’s Mommy/child love and not healthy and you have issues. I also don’t agree with “treat me like a princess/prince”, once in a while is fine but 24/7 is selfish and narcissistic, and insinuates the other person is “lesser” than you.
HOWEVER, if the other person is ok with your view and chooses to live that way… who am I to judge? But when someone is forcing you to accept their definition of love, when homie don’t play that, well then that’s abusive. If you say you don’t want to do something or act a certain way and they brow beat you or physically force you to do it, then you have an abusive situation on your hands.
But I go back to my point… what is love? Is love to you a mute girl, with no teeth, who can rest your beer can on her head? That’s ok, just get the fuck off my blog! No, no, Madge spreads the love here. But no really, get the fuck out.
I have a lot of things I’d like to have in love. Friendship, laughter, emotional intimacy, passion, good sex, learning and growing together. Did I mention the sex part? Oh, yea I did. Hey, I’m not dead yet. Anyway, my most important issue is equality. Equality on being a person level. Like equal parts selflessness. I don’t wash your car so I can hold it over your head, I wash it because I wanted to do something nice or I know your busy. You don’t fix me dinner, so you can ask me endlessly for praise about it, or tell me 18 times later how much you have done for me. Loving acts all come out in the wash to me. I need someone who shares my belief that you don’t do nice things to get something in return… you just do it to be nice.
So, what does love mean to you? Whatever it is… I mean like if two douchebags find each other, good for them, just make sure you’re happy and on the same page. If you’re not, you might want to re-think that shiz…