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The Only Country Club Member on Food Stamps

31 Jan

Hey! If you haven’t been following along at home, I have a podcast now! Yes, yes I do. And I just posted my 7th Episode entitled The Only Country Club Member on Food Stamps, the Story of Madge. Click below and have a listen! Funny, inspiring, a little sad, a little sex, and of course a lot of booze! Pretty entertaining stuff!

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Ep 7 The Only Country Club Member on Food Stamps, the Story of Madge

Thanks for listening and don’t forget to follow me while you’re there! Oh and share with your friends! xoxo

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The Next Phase Will Be Swim Team Practice All Over Again…

20 Aug

Holy crap! I haven’t posted a blog in 5 months! I suppose it’s time I got back at it, eh?

It’s been a crazy time. A lot has happened, but much has stayed the same. Damn, you’d think I had something better to show for it.

I got asked to take a job and stop everything else I was doing professionally and personally, with the promise of all sorts of future treasures. I gave it my all. Lesson learned, anyone who tries to persuade you to just “suck it up now and you’ll be rewarded later” is basically trying to get cheap labor. lol I am worth far more right here, right now. I did however learn to trust in my capabilities and myself in general. I now am confident in my worth. To quote Shakespeare, “Thou shalt not be tempted by fuckery”. (Ok, might not have been Shakespeare…)

On the upside, I started a new company – Madigan Digital Publishing.

MadiganPublishingLogo

Have you been thinking of publishing a book? We can help! We can edit and proofread your manuscript, we can also help you self-publish and market. Contact me today at madge@madgemadigan.com! See http://www.madigandigitalpublishing.com for details.

In other news, I had a daughter graduate high school. She will be starting at Quinnipiac University in Hamden, CT next week. I had my youngest daughter take driver ed this summer, hoping to drive soon. And my son will be starting his senior year at NYU next week. After next week, I’ll have just 1 child at home. My life is changing at a rapid pace. I have a myriad of emotions. Good, bad, and ugly. So excited for my children’s bright futures, I can’t wait to see what they will do! But sad that I won’t have the little people I love and enjoy so much around the house everyday. It’s only natural.

Also, well you probably knew I bought a house in January, moved in in February and after 6 years, am single again. All is well, we’re still friends, just on different paths. No heartbreak on either side. We’re both happy and I am so grateful for having him then and now.

Oh yeah, I also turned 50 in June and had a few friends my age die in the past 5 months. One was a really good friend from childhood that hit me really hard. Loved that guy like a brother. At times it feels like I really have reached a fork in the road, my life is on a completely different level now, dealing with completely different situations that are now absolutely par for the course.

After the death of both of my parents in the past 3 years, I felt my mortality but Jesus Christ now I feel like I’m a completely different person faced with both exciting freedom and a bit of loneliness. It will simply take adjusting. I know I will be fine. But it’s like when I was on the swim team all those years… I absolutely dreaded getting in the chilly pool at 6:30am, then again at 3:00pm. But each time, I just sacked it up and dove in, the initial shock sucked and made me want to cry, but after a few minutes of warm up laps, I got used to it and it was fine. Even had fun joking with teammates in my lane in between sets. Yes, yes, I will be fine, more than fine… and so will my babies.

Wait, How Did I Start Watching Kangaroos Mating on TV?

31 Jul

Did you ever start watching something on TV, get a little sucked in, and then suddenly realize, “Why the hell am I watching this?!”

The man of the house was flipping channels and he stopped on a show which I never would have pegged him to watch. Oh wait maybe… oh yea, I see it now… see the title of the show was “Sex in the Wild.” So I get it now guy = sex. But anyway it was on a channel that he never ever watches – PBS. I think he thinks it’s a liberal commie pinko channel. lol (you know I’m kidding dear, kind of)

However, I think he was a little disappointed when he clicks on the station and on the screen appears a kangaroo giving birth. But ya’ know with some people sex is sex, and me being a mother I was a little interested. I didn’t want to see the baby coming out the birth canal (as was being shown) but I found it interesting what the narrative said about the process. Did you know that kangaroo joeys are about as big as a gerbil or hamster baby and after they come out they climb their way up the mother’s belly and into her pouch and incubate there for a while until they are done cooking.

That was all fine and good, then it got a little weird. First it showed the normal wildlife type scenes of the mating rituals of roos, you know hopping around, chasing, then finally the dude mounts the victim potential mate. All right. Then the narrator starts talking about the kangaroo penis and they show a diagram of what it looks like and how it enters the female’s vagina. Ew.

kangaroo-boxing-300x256

(This is all I want to see kangaroos do)

 

Then they show them humping and explain how the male is holding the female and thrusting her onto his… ya’ know. So, um I took a little walk to… any other room in the house but there. The man continues to watch and laugh.

When I come back they are showing koalas.  Awwww, how cute! So they show a little koala dude up in a tree and he starts making this bellowing sound, it sounded like Mr. Limpett’s noise combined with a Chewbacca cry. Apparently that’s his mating call. Fair enough. All of a sudden there is some vet showing this contraption and nearby there are a male and female beginning to mate on a tree (which  they go into great detail of the process). The next thing I know the doctor has delicately pulled the male off the female and inserts his private bits into this contraption. The next thing I know this vet is ummmm,  well manually uh gratifying the male into this basically fake vagina to collect his sperm! What What?!

koalas

(“Privacy please.”)

 

My first thought was, why in God’s name did someone give these people a grant to study koala sperm? Second thought, why are they studying koala sperm? And third, why the hell am I watching this?!

Because… science. I’m interested in stuff. Ok, I watch some of that stuff because I think I should, you know to get edumacated. But generally I do find it interesting. But, excuse my language… jerking off a koala is where I draw the line.

I can’t unsee that. And of course writing about it makes me relive it. And ok it’s a little funny, like funny odd, not necessarily funny haha. But it’s just… have you ever just started watching something like it’s a car accident? You want to look away but are oddly curious to see what happens? Much like an episode of Full House?  I felt that way about mating and childbirth but when it came to koala sperm harvesting, it was time to go to bed and read.

You’d See The Business End of My Gun Rights if You Used the Term “Your Dead Kid” About My Child

29 May

Joe the Plumber (whom is neither a licensed plumber or actually named Joe) is an absolute piece of shit and everything that is wrong with America today… in my opinion.

Joe The Plumber: ‘Your Dead Kids Don’t Trump My Constitutional Rights’ To Have Guns

 

 

I have no designs on taking away anyone’s “rights” but “Joe the Plumber” is a selfish opportunistic nobody who cares nothing about his fellow man. We need to stop this “Because they’re mine” mentality. Meaning, anytime I’ve tried to have a logical rational conversation with a gun person and I ask “Why do you want/need your guns?” the answer is “Because they’re mine!” is usually the answer. Funny, that’s the same answer my son gave me when he was 3 years old when I asked why he wanted to carry around a used paper towel I had just wiped his face with. Or when my daughter was two at her birthday party and didn’t want to give out pieces of her cake, “It’s mine!”.

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(This is what came up when I Googled “Mine!”)

Yes, a lot of gun owners feel they have the right to protect themselves and that’s why the 2nd Amendment was created, but a lot of others just use the whole “it’s my right” thing. It’s not gun laws, it’s the machismo gun culture and the growing trend of people not being able to cope because we’ve become a culture of entitlement (“because they’re mine!, it’s my right!”) and the minute things don’t go their way in life they want retribution… and it starts with you. Stop enabling our kids to feel entitled.

Did you see this kid Elliot Rodgers’ video that he made before he went on his killing spree? (I don’t want to post it and give him any more public exposure) To me, that video did not show a mentally ill young man, but an angry entitled selfish little douchebag with a Napoleon Complex. I stress, in my opinion. That is not mental illness that’s an anger management problem. There’s a difference. Issues that can be worked out in therapy are different from actual mental defects. I know, I have a mental defect. I take meds or else my brain would play an endless loop of some thought, like a skipping record, or spliced reel to reel tape loop. The meds thump the floor to make the record stop skipping and move along with the song in my brain.

However, I’m not a doctor, I didn’t know the kid, nor did I examine him.

The best thing that ever happened to me while raising kids was to be poor. It forced me to teach them, you can’t have everything. Not that I wouldn’t be that way if I were rich either, I don’t believe in entitlement, I believe in earning things. However, there are certain poor people that are angry because they feel slighted because they still feel entitled but ain’t gettin’ it. So being poor doesn’t exactly negate the entitlement problem.

I also teach my kids that there are things bigger than themselves in this world. There is a thing called “The greater good”. Just because it suits you doesn’t mean it will be best for all. Just like it’s your right to smoke a cigarette, but there are little kids around and your smoke can effect them adversely, they have little lungs that can be damaged easier. You still think it’s not selfish or a good idea to exercise your “right”? And believe me, I don’t want to take away anyone’s cigarettes, I believe people should have a right to smoke, drink, do whatever they want as long as they aren’t killing other people with either.

Here’s a question… say you own guns. You have a child who has mental issues. Obviously a disturbed child, a fragile child. You still think it’s your “God damn right” to keep your guns at the ready? If someone said, I advise you to lock them up far away or get rid of them or you might have another Sandy Hook/Columbine/UCSB/VA Tech/CO Theater – (take your pick)? Let’s forget gun laws, no one wants to take your sacred guns, I’m asking an ethical/moral question. Ask yourself that question. What would you do? I think this country would be a lot better if people weren’t so selfish and macho.

Just my 2 cents.

Don’t Tell Me How to Mother on Mother’s Day!

8 May

To all you Mothers…

Happy Mother’s Day!

This will be my first Mother’s Day without my Mom, she died 6 months ago. I miss her everyday. She was a phenomenal, feisty, loving little Irish lady. I’m not even thinking about me being a Mom this year and if my kids will do anything, I’m just missing my Mom. The first one’s always the hardest.

Me and mom

Me and my Mother celebrating her 80th birthday almost 8 years ago. I made the crown.

 

 

But for all the other Mother’s out there, I say… it’s your day, celebrate how you want. I remember reading a post last year where a guy, yes a guy was blasting all women (or one specific woman, I can’t remember) who wanted to spend Mother’s Day away from their children and have time for themselves. He was literally vehemently berating Mothers for taking time for themselves and saying they were horrible Mothers and human beings. For one, who the hell are you to tell anybody how to do anything? Secondly, you’re a guy, don’t tell Mother’s what to do, you worry about Father’s Day. Keep your testosterone-fueled mouth in check.

Here’s the thing, my experience as a Mother and with my Mother, when kids are young, Mom’s are with them all the time. All. The. Damn. Time. Often we become martyrs. We need to let Moms know you don’t have to be a martyr. We always honored my Mother in the morning, gave cards and presents, had breakfast or brunch, then we had orders from my Father to leave my Mother the hell alone the rest of the day. Same when I was married and my kids just kind of continued the tradition even without their Father around to tell them to leave me the hell alone.

I mean I don’t order them to leave me alone, they’re just kind of like “Mom, it’s your day, do what you want, have peace and quiet, whatever.” Now that doesn’t mean I don’t love my kids, I don’t run out of town for the weekend it just means they know I work hard for them and want me to have time to myself. And it usually is just taking 2 hours to go to the grocery store unencumbered. However, I’m sure when my kids are out of the house that I’ll want to spend the day with them. It will be the reverse. They won’t be around all the time, I’ll make that day about paying homage to me and wear my tiara. 🙂 As I did to my Mom when I became an adult. Except my Mom didn’t wear a tiara, she was still wearing a crown of thorns, could never really get passed that martyr stage. lol I take that back, probably by her 70s and 80s, she was like “I am not doin’ a DAYUM thing today, you people cook or order out”. See, in the picture above she did wear a nice crown. Lord I loved that woman.

However, if there are young Moms that want to be with their kids, knock yourself out. It’s your day. But don’t you dare chastise a woman for wanting some time alone, because we need it sometimes and it’s well-deserved. Most Moms work really hard and we are the nurturers and usually the first one the kids go to for anything – hungry, tired, hurt, sick, bleeding, sad, bored, happy. There were times I literally had 3 kids hanging off me at once as I was trying to cook… or just go to the bathroom.

Do you tell people how to spend their birthday? “You must have cake and see loved ones, especially your Mother  who gave birth to you on that day!” Aw hell no, you can spend it locked in the bathroom, in a bar, at work, in a car wash… it’s your damn business. You can even choose to ignore it if you like. Sadly there are estranged children and Mothers that don’t speak and they choose to ignore Mother’s Day. But again, that’s their business. Yes, it makes me sad, but who am I to judge?

So enjoy the day, however… but first a brief lesson – Mother’s Day in some form or another has been celebrated all over the world for centuries. Since we learned in my last blog, May is the Blessed Virgin Mary’s month, some places decided to honor all Mothers. Other cultures had their reasons for honoring Mom too. In the U.S. Anna Jarvis of West Virginia was the one to lobby for making it a national holiday in 1908 because she had already started honoring her own Mother when she passed in 1905. So there you have it. We have Anna to thank. Happy Mother’s Day!

 

Like a Bad Rash, Sometimes You Just Have to Wait ’til it Passes

5 Dec

Holy cow, I just realized my last post on here was November 14th.  Here it is December 5th.  Well, sorry but I had one of those “life interruption” things.  Let’s see that day (Nov. 14th) or the next day my Mother went into the hospital with pneumonia.  I hopped on a plane Saturday morning to Arizona from NY and arrived in the afternoon.  Sunday night my Mother passed away.  She was 87 years old and had been battling brain cancer since August.  She put up a valiant fight.  That was her, a feisty Irish broad.  Apple –> Tree.

So, I stayed out there for a while, had a service and all that.  Came home, had Thanksgiving… it’s a been a whirlwind of activity of which I have trudged through like a zombie.  It’s almost like I’ve been numb or it’s just been surreal.  What made it worse is we just lost my Dad last October, we weren’t even over that yet.  There were days I didn’t want to get out of bed.  There have been unexpected bouts of tears as I have passed my Mother’s favorite chocolate bar in the grocery store.  How silly is that?  But ya’ know we all have emotional triggers.

Something I never thought I’d say ever in my lifetime (yes, I know it’s a complete denial of reality but it’s how people roll sometimes)… “I don’t have any parents anymore”.  What the hell?

It makes me think though, I’m a grown ass woman saying that, and I’m devastated.  I can’t imagine a child losing a parent.  Oh my God, just breaks my heart.  Inconceivable.  God bless you to anyone who has been through it.

I keep telling myself that I’m lucky that I had them until they were 89 and 87 years old.  That’s a damn long time.  A wonderful, loving, entertaining long time.  I am very grateful.

But you know what’s funny?  I’m a GAW (again a grown ass woman) and I’m a parent of teens but my emotions have reverted to those of a 7 year old child.  As I mourn my parents’ passing, all the thoughts in my head are from my childhood.  Like automatically.  I have plenty of memories of them in my adulthood and them being grandparents to my kids but the immediate gut ones come from a closet way deep in the back warehouse of my heart labeled “childhood memories”.

I remember the visions, sounds, and smells of Mom in the kitchen, or reading on the couch, or watching TV with her eyes closed (swearing that she was still watching the program as we attempted to turn the channel) or as I was older her ironing a top for work as she was just in pants and a bra.  She’d probably kill me for that one, but that was my Mom, some stuff she just didn’t sweat.  When we (6 kids, 2 parents) were all trying to get through our daily functions and survive, Madelyn wasn’t a stickler about things, her motto was “Ya’ gotta’ do, what ya’ gotta’ do”.  That’s where I got it from.

Ya’ know what I just remembered though?  And this is funny… she of course didn’t care about traipsing through the house in various states of undress but it was absolutely essential that she put on lipstick before she got out of the car and went into an establishment.  Even if she was in yard clothes or exercise clothes.  Always the lady… except when she was in a hurry around the house.  lol  Oh Madelyn.

Well, I swore this wasn’t going to be a eulogy about my Mother, I just wanted to say how primitive our mind is sometimes.  Sometimes our emotions are very basic.  Children’s needs are basic – food, love, clothing (optional), shelter.  My primitive basic emotion of a child needing it’s Mother (and Father) has kicked in.  I try and tell myself “You’re an adult, you had them a long time, stop it.”  But that parent/child bond isn’t broken so easily.  I actually know someone who’s  Father is a convicted murderer, their head tells them he’s an evil man and has broken ties but the heart still yearns for a normal Daddy.  Those moments where Dad was nice for just a moment, and you wonder “What happened to that guy?  Couldn’t he be that guy all the time?”.  The heart has a mind of it’s own.  A child’s love is still there even when the child is 80 years old or the parent is evil.  Sometimes you have to sit with it until the hurt passes, the heart wants what the heart wants.

On a side note, my book “When Life Gives You Lemons… at Least You Won’t Get Scurvy!” will be FREE in Kindle Version this Friday and Saturday at Amazon.com.  Please download.  And hard copies make a great Christmas gift!

Does Joy Only Originate From Our Loins?

3 Oct

I wish I was romantic.  Not necessarily in relationships but in life.  Ya’ know like those in love with life people?  Would I feel better if I did?

Ya’ know what I mean, it’s like people who post stuff like this on Facebook:

The_love_of_my_life

Or this

Jumping people

Or this

LoveLife

And then like all their friends leave all these comments under the picture… “Gorgeous!”  “Amen!”  “That’s how I feel!”  “Inspirational” “Love!”

Me?  My reaction?

IMG_20130219_160427

“Who gives a shit?”

*Crickets* Those pics mean absolutely nothing to me. I just keep scrolling down my feed lookin’ for dick jokes.  (not literally, it’s just a metaphor for “off color” jokes, dicks aren’t that entertaining to me, errr wait…)   While to some other people those pics inspire and warm their heart.  I just feel… nothing.

I never really thought about it before but… I wish they did elicit a response from me.  Maybe it’s my cynicism?  Well, I’m not really that cynical anymore, just I don’t know, I guess I lead more with my head than my heart.  Well I can be like warm and fuzzy.  I mean sometimes I do.  I think.   Like babies… babies make me stop dead in my tracks and grin from ear to ear.  I want to love them and hold them and pet them and call them George.  (5 bonus points to anyone who gets that)  That’s about the extent of my involuntary warm and fuzzies.  Well, also when my kids do something sweet or wonderful or makes me proud that’s a given, but that’s it.

I’m not a cold fish by any means but my heart just ain’t “swellin'” right now, if you know what I mean?  I think it has to do with what my life has been like for the past 20 some years.  I’ve either been destitute, struggling, alone, or in a chilly relationship.  I guess I haven’t had much time or need to “swell”.  I mean, I think I did, like when my kids were little.  I do remember being “joyful”, I guess that’s the word I’m looking for… being joyful.  I was joyful a handful of times when I stayed at home, my babies were little and cute and smart, and my ex wasn’t being a nasty drunk and we had money.  I think that was approximately 3 different days in a 22 year stretch.  Ok, maybe 6 times, I remember having an absolute euphoric feeling right after I gave birth to each of my 3 kids.  I’m still in love with my babies but it gets hard now that they are teens and can be in those “get the hell away from me Mom” moods.

And no offense to my current situation, but he knows we just have a very love/hate thing going on.  We’re both extremely sarcastic and neither of us is particularly happy with our lives or situation at the moment so, yea it’s no lovefest.  Never has been really, he, or we together just aren’t that way.  You know how some guys just aren’t mushy?  I can be mushy…?  But I think we have too much underlying animosity to be mushy.  I’d love to be mushy and romantic.

I know I was at one time, I had some old notes that my high school boyfriend and I had written back and forth.  I wore rose colored glasses at one point.  But does looking at the world romantically have everything to do with your relationships?  Does joy only form from our loins?  Maybe not, I’ve had sex that produced no joy.  Well, I do think relationships have a lot to do with it.   I mean my relationships in the past 25 years have either been with men who are sarcastic and emotionally unavailable or guys who just want to do me.  Ya’ know, no emotional involvement whatsoever, just a sexual tryst.   I’ve had a lot men wanting  the latter, maybe I should stop showing so much cleavage.  Hmmm.   You reap what you sow?  So, what’s to be joyful about?  I’d like to be cherished… is that still a thing?  Do people still do that?

I know it’s that old chestnut… start thinking a certain way and that’s what you’ll attract or whatever.  It’s the old chicken and egg thing… I need to start thinking joyful and romantic and that will bring that into my life?  I’d like to but I guess all I keep thinking is warm beer, stale chips, and unemotional men.   Maybe I should think champagne, caviar, and love?  Ugh, that’s too much like work.

So how do you get yourself to feel that way?  Any suggestions?  I was raised on a healthy diet of Irish negativity and  sarcasm, it’s kind of hard to break the cycle but I think I’d like to give it a go.  And please don’t steer me to that “The Secret” thing… I read that a while ago, it just didn’t click with me.  I tried to visualize and all that but I don’t know it just didn’t “change my life” like some people say.  I’m just not one to buy into schools of thought like The Secret or Tony Robbins or any other methods.  Maybe I’m just depressed and need more pills.  Jesus Christ, that’s all I need.

So… anybody else feel this way or is it just me?  Do any one of you feel joy when you look at those pics?  I’d love for you to tell me what it’s like…

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