Archive | February, 2014

What’s Your Problem with Gays?

27 Feb

It has always baffled me exactly what the reason is that homophobes hate homosexuals.

The first thing people say is, “God says it’s bad, it’s in the bible!  It’s a sin!  It’s an abomination!”

A sin?  Well it’s not one of the Ten Commandments.  And we all know how much conflicting stuff there is in the bible.  Somebody said eating shrimp was an abomination in there too.  You can argue about the meaning of “adultery” whether it’s sex with married people… that you’re not married to, or if it’s sex between any people who are not married to each other (i.e. both single).  If that is the case, why aren’t people out protesting against adulterers?  Why aren’t people banning adulterers from military service, marching in parades, getting medical benefits from each other, or getting married?  Murder and theft are also sins, why aren’t people banning murderers and thieves from getting married and marching in parades?  I know they have trouble with getting jobs and renting apartments sometimes… funny so do my homosexual friends.

OK let’s ignore the “Bible” excuse.  What’s the real problem?  You think it’s gross?  So is 7/8’s of the stuff that goes on in your own bedroom or porn movies and mags.  I’ve had men ask me to do stuff that I think is disgusting… I didn’t go and tell them they can’t get married or adopt kids or visit their loved one on their deathbed.  I say no thanks, not for me and move on.  Did that hurt anybody?  I think perhaps the things they wanted to do to my “exit in the rear” would hurt a lot more than saying “no thanks”.

Fun fact: I know a guy who says he’s not a homophobe because “he has no problem with ‘them’ as long as they leave him alone” and liberally uses the word fag and faggot as a demeaning term… guess what his favorite thing in the world to do with women is?  You guessed it… anal sex!  Explain that one, macho guy…  And one time I asked him what would you do if a gay guy hit on you in a bar, he said he’d punch him in the face.  I then asked what he’d do if a woman whom he wasn’t interested in hit on him, he said he’d politely say “no thank you”.  Wha?!

Let’s not even start with the latent homosexual theory.  I don’t know if it’s that they have homosexual stirrings and are self-loathing and fighting them or they fear if they are friendly toward gays they will some how lose their virility card.  I don’t know, we’ll have to take that up with Dr. Freud another time…

Who gives a shit?  Really?  Seriously?  How does it hurt you?  Don’t give me that marriage integrity crap, that’s gone out the window along time ago with Liz Taylor’s 8th marriage, Newt Gingrich’s 3rd marriage, and Larry King’s 7th marriage.

Some of the people that have enriched my life the most and loved me the most in my life have been gay.  If I was judgmental, look at the joy I would have missed out on?  Not to mention the great hairstyles, floral arrangements, and interior decorating I would have missed!  I’m kidding, I’m kidding, it was a joke!  My gay friends joke about the stereotypes all the time, oy.  As my friend TJ says, “Hey Girl!” is American Gay for “Hello”.  🙂

It just bothers me when people stubbornly stand by principles that are not hurting anybody else.  Who made you judge and jury?  Who made you God?  If there is some problem, God or whatever higher power will judge them.  Maybe there is no judge even?  If there isn’t then who cares?

Live and let live I say.  I’m so tired of people and their damn self-righteous bullshit.  Let he who is without sin cast the first stone… as they say.

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Announcing the Title of My New Book and Trying to Outrun the Police

20 Feb

Drumroll please…

I have a new book coming out.  Tentative release date, May 1st 2014.  Are you ready for the title?  Ok, here it its…

“Poverty Line Fabulous”

Yes, yes unfortunately this is a true story about my adventures in destitute-ed-ness (my new word).  It’s my story of trying to raise 3 kids alone, make an impression and get a leg up in the working world trying desperately to find a successful career for myself, and trying to contribute to my kid’s private school world, all while getting unemployment or scrubbing friend’s toilets and receiving food stamps.

Tagline:  “I have a 5 year old Calvin Klein dress from Marshall’s and I’m not afraid to use it!”

It’s got a lot of funny stories about trying to pretend I’ve got my shit together while my world is in shambles.  But it’s also an inspirational story that proves you can be down but not necessarily out.  You don’t always have to accept your lot in life.  You can create a new life… with hard work, perseverance and a good fitting bra.

You can still always get my first book while you wait – “When Life Gives You Lemons… at Least You Won’t Get Scurvy!” Click here

Stay tuned…

Soooo… a quick blog about something of which I’ve been seeing a lot.  I swear to God, for the past several years I see about 3 of these stories a day in the local news alone…

Troopers: NY man jailed; drove 144 mph on Thruway

pedro-ramirezCuebas

(Ladies, does he turn you on?)

Well that’s one of the larger scale ones, every day you get some idiot on the New York State Thruway that thinks he’s in a video game.  However I do find the most shocking thing about that story is that the dude got an Acura to go 144 mph. Then you get a couple of these little ones every day…

Rochester man facing charges after early morning police chase

I just don’t get it.  Well I mean I do, because every time you read these it turns out the guy (I only ever read one story that was a girl) was drunk or tweakin’ or was holdin’ drugs or weapons or had warrants.  So, if you’re drunk or methed out I don’t suppose you have the best judgement at the moment.  However, does anyone ever get away?  You eventually crash your ass, or by any chance you do give the cops the slip, they have your license plate (if not stolen) and description and video and all kinds of crap.

Is it the excitement then?  Like seriously, do these guys think they are in a movie or video game?  They get an adrenaline rush? Now mind you, I’ve been known to get places a little faster than other people on the New York State Thruway, but that’s just because I have places to go, I don’t get a thrill.  In fact, I’m mostly annoyed while doing it.  But for excitement, I’m perfectly content to park my ass on the couch with some wine and cheese, that’s plenty of excitement for me.  If I want to get crazy, I’ll only be wearing a t-shirt, underwear, and black socks… awwwww yea now, look out!  No really, my real adrenaline rush is going to the gay bar with my boys and gossiping… where else can I have a guy that just got arrested for burying a body in his backyard standing 2 inches from me staring me down?  Oh girl, that’s a story for another day…

But really, just stop your car and get the minimum charges, rather than racking up a whole bunch more serious charges, not to mention maybe killing or injuring some innocent folks who just happen to be in your stupid douchebag way.  People just do stupid shit for a thrill.  Like that Paul Walker actor guy.  Had the world by the balls… but “Hey let’s go really really fast on a curvy residential road so I can get a boner!”  Uh which is something I’m sure he had done tons of times while filming those Fast and Furious (which coincidentally is a nickname for a guy I used to date) movies.

In fact I know a very well respected gentleman who’s son was arrested for going 100 mph on his crotch rocket trying to outrun police.  The 20 something year old kid was there while Dad was telling the story, the kid thought it was funny and was obviously very proud.  Dad not so much, but I think he still was a little proud that his son was so manly.  Ack.

I just don’t get it.  So, stop it already.  It’s not cool.  If you are some loser that’s in and out of jail anyway and you don’t mind because you can’t function in normal society, find another way to get back to jail without putting other people at risk.  Do some loitering or something… litter or get too many parking tickets or play your music too loud. (oh wait that could get you shot these days)  Just stop using my New York State Thruway as a racetrack please… it’s not the God damn Autobahn.

While this is one of the most awesomely f-ing incredible songs by the most phenomenal amaizngly excellent band in the world… it’s no way to live.

10 Wildly Inappropriate Yet Well Meaning Valentine’s Day Cards

13 Feb

In honor of Valentine’s Day I’m re-gifting this blog from Valentine’s Day past…

Remember in elementary school how you’d buy (or rather your mother would buy) that box of small little Valentine’s Day cards and you would fill out each one with a name of a classmate and then sign your name?  Remember how you would carefully choose the coolest, cutest, favoritest character ones?  Then if you waited too long to go buy them, you had to pick from whatever was left like some lame Tom and Jerry shit or Strawberry Shortcake?  And the messages sucked.

Well whatever you got, as you got older you thought the sayings were corny.  Then of course as you got much older you thought about how to make the sayings on those cards somewhat inappropriate.  Hell as adults, you probably even made some porn-themed Valentine greetings in your head.  Come on, it’s fun to smash the innocence of a good old fashioned Valentine!

So, I offer some do-it-yourself inappropriate Valentines, just add impure or unkind thoughts…

1.  flinstone

From the Hallmark Mary Kay LaTourneau Collection

2. rash

My advice… get some penicillin, then sue.

3. vintage_valentine_sink

Uhhhh, well I hope so or it’s back to number 2 above ^^^^

4. retro-valentine-1 club

The Chris Brown Valentine…

5.  emo valentin

Wow, that’s uh, pretty intense.  Call the suicide hotline pal, don’t send a Valentine…

6.  sexting valentine

The first sexting Valentine obviously.  Teaching young girls to send pictures of themselves in underwear to boys since 1952!

7.  retro_us_military_valentines_day_card_

This Vulcan (check out her hand) bowling bobby soxer wants to give it to you good when you get home soldier!  Nothing says sexy like bowling…  Live long and prosper while killing Nazis!

8.  egg valentine

From the Hallmark Small Penis collection…

9.  ronald

You’d take that clown over me?  I knew you slept with him!  F**k you!

10.  eat

Uhhhh… yea.

Happy Valentine’s Day!  If you liked this post, please share with your friends (the blog, not your junk) and don’t forget to sign up to follow this blog (top right).  Thanks loads!  Oh and my book makes a great Valentine’s gift (see top right)!  🙂  #ShamelessPlug

Debuting My New Series: Scantily Clad Broads Rippin’ Out Hair Weaves Show!

6 Feb

I highly doubt any regular followers of this blog enjoy fighting of any sort.  (speaking of which, don’t forget to follow this blog!) Well, I guess there are a few of you sick bastards out there that have a blood lust.

But do you, though?  Tell me really, do you enjoy people fighting whether it be just yelling/arguing or physically beating on each other?

Well, I don’t care for it.  What made me think of this is, I have a vice for some certain “reality” shows and it seems all they have become are a vehicle for confrontation.  Like Real Housewives of Beverly Hills or Atlanta, every week it’s just some broads yelling at each other (with the chance of a boob floppin’ out from skimpy outfits).  Or their husbands puffin’ their chests out at each other and eventually maybe pummeling someone.  Does that bring ratings?  And seriously you think that is what grown women should be doing, you’re mothers?  And you preach that you’re all “classy” and ladylike and sophisticated.  Please, you’re just the grown up version of the skanks that used to smoke in the bathrooms at school and threaten to beat up little girls.  I’ve started to turn it off the minute that comes on.  Seriously.  OK, at first it was a little like watching a car wreck, but now I just can’t take it no mo.

alg-housewives-fight-jpg

Hint:  When someone tells you they are “classy” it’s a sure sign they do not possess one ounce of class in their being.  Pullin’ out somebody else’s weave sure ain’t all class and poise.

I watched that Vanderpump Rules show a couple times and all that is is young immature shallow vapid kids getting into pointless arguments and then some dude gets ‘roid rage and jumps another.  I’ve completely stopped watching.  I mostly get frustrated at how dumb the arguments are.  “You didn’t have my back, when so and so said no one liked me!”  Who gives a shit?  No one owes you anything in this life.  Yea, it would have been nice to back you up but not everybody wants to get involved in a pointless argument that’s not their’s, it is their right you know?  It was your fight to have, not your friend’s.  Get over it and move the fuck on.

Physical fighting has always been a problem for me.  I don’t even like to watch boxing.  Hockey fights I can deal with because there is so much padding, but when they drop the gloves and go bare knuckles on the face I turn away.  MMA fighting?  What kind of sick mofo watches that?  I just don’t get it.  Like what joy do you derive from watching people get bloodied and knocked senseless?  I remember my ex-husband trying to start a fight with a guy who was giving me crap in a bar when we were dating at like 25 years old.  They were both drunk, I got my little 5’2″ 115lb self (at the time) in front of him and yelled at his 6′ 225lb solid muscle hockey player self to knock it off.  Then I walked out.  I’m assertive but I’m not stupid.  They ended up getting cooled down and walked away.  But that turned me off to no end.  Not impressed one bit.

I feel like we’re going back to the days of the gladiators and Christians and lions and all that stuff.  We enjoy watching others be slaughtered?  People would much rather take out their phone and make a video of someone being beaten to death on the street than jump in and save them or call 911.  What is that all about?  Where does that come from?  I can’t even stand someone to be harassed or like see a guy bitch at a waitress.  Maybe I’m a weenie because I don’t like confrontation?

However, I’m not afraid to confront someone about wronging me or my kids.  But it’s always in an assertive way, never an aggressive way.  I may talk big on here like I’ll stab you in the eye with an ice pick, but that’s because… humor.  Half the laugh is my appearance and demeanor you know I’d never do that, but the thought is so ridiculous it’s funny.  Capiche?

Really is this what it has come down to?  We have boiled it down to just watching cat fights on TV?  I seriously want to know… do you love a good fight?  Or does it make you cringe?  I cringe.  I’m about to go walking around with a bucket of cold water everywhere I go and if there’s a fight I’ll douse ’em.  Ain’t nobody got time for that…

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