A Look at the Ugliest USA Olympic Opening Ceremony Outfits Ever

23 Jan

So today the new outfits that the 2014 USA Olympic Team will don in the opening ceremonies were revealed.

2014 olympics

Ralph Lauren has done it again.  Part of me kind of likes it in a funky way.  The leggings and boots.  Somehow I knew there would be leggings this year.  But that ugly ass sweater?  Is that what someone found while digging through racks at Goodwill looking for an ugly Christmas sweater?

And it reminds me of these 2 shitty jackets from Wilson Leather in the early 90’s, that by wearing it got you a first class ticket to Loserville…

USA jacket world flags

Couple those with a pair of MC Hammer pants from Merry Go Round or Chess King and you were stylin’!  (Young folks you may want to Google those, they were old cheesy men’s clothing stores that were staples in every mall in the 70s and 80s)

So it prompted me to look up some of the more hideous Olympic Opening Ceremony outfits of the past…

2004 olympics

2004 Olympics in Athens

What the hell inspired this design?  “Hey let’s see what the kids on Nickelodeon are wearing?”

1988 Olympics

1988 Olympics in Seoul

Perhaps they got the wrong “soul”, just add a gold rope chain, Kangol hat and boombox…

1984 Olympics

1984 Olympics in Los Angeles

Such a trendy place, that L.A.  I would have thought they’d come up with something more fashionable  than a Burger King employee uniform…

Burger king

1928 olympics

1928 Olympics in Amersterdam

I guess they stuck with the laid back drug adled theme of Amersterdam and went with a Bathrobe/lab coat style.

1972 olympics

1972 Olympics in Munich

Let’s face it, everything in 1972 was that ugly.


1968 Olympics in Mexico City

This badass team had soul.  Solid!  Coincidentally the singing group “Color Me Bad” would try to resurrect this look later but it looked a little more… jive-ass.

color me bad


2012 Olympics in London

This is some flight-attendant-meets-Symbionese-Liberation-Army bullshit.  I say pip pip cheerio to those uniforms…


1984 winter olympics

1984 Olympics in Sarajevo

The sign in front says it all.  Yea, I know “Dallas” had been popular on TV for a few years but give me a break with the hokiness.

1996 olympics

1996 Olympics in Atlanta

Modeled after the Von Trapp Family, apparently…

1976 olympics

1976 Olympics in Innsbruck

Equipped with drool bib.  Or for others seeking a hand towel.

Why can’t all Olympic opening ceremony outfits look like they did in 1930’s-1950’s

1948 olympics

Classic and timeless.  But then if they were I guess I’d have nothing to write about, correct?  And the opening ceremonies wouldn’t be a ratings boosting comical spectacle of bad fashion and instead would be more of a dignified walk to honor competing athletes and their nations. would they?

Good luck to all those competing in Sochi in 2014 in 2 weeks.  Let’s hope Putin doesn’t F it up and have another 1972 Munich games on his hands.   God forbid.


5 Responses to “A Look at the Ugliest USA Olympic Opening Ceremony Outfits Ever”

  1. idiotprufs January 23, 2014 at 10:08 am #

    I didn’t realize all the members of the 1968 Olympic team were members of The Loyal Order Of The Moose.

  2. Valentine Logar January 24, 2014 at 5:02 pm #

    Why can’t we just keep it simple and classy? Really. Why go for ugly?

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