Archive | November, 2013

Sexting Scrapbooking Group, Now Accepting New Members!

14 Nov

(Just and aside this Friday and Saturday (starting at midnight tonight) my new book “I Got Yer Haiku Right Here” will be a FREE ebook download on Amazon.com, check out my other book “When Life Gives You Lemons… at Least You Won’t Get Scurvy!” while you’re there)

As most of you may know I’ve been divorced for almost 13 years now.  There’s been a lot of dating and entanglements with men in that time.   Some of you who haven’t been in the dating seen for many years might not be aware of all the wonderful new nuances of dating.  Some of you younger folks, don’t know anything different.

Those of us say over 35, maybe only over 40, remember a time when you went out into the world and met real people and if you clicked, a boy asked for the girl’s number.  Then the girl would sit around and wait for the phone to ring at home… no cell phones, no answering machines, no computers, no call waiting.  Or unless you were a freak and answered a personal ad in the back page of the Village Voice and sent a letter to a P.O. Box and waited several days for a response… that too.

Teenager looking at red phone

(For those of you who don’t know… this is what phones used to look like, they were plugged into a wall at home or business)

So nowadays, you can meet people online, solicited or unsolicited and sometimes never ever meet them.  There are people that carry on entire virtual relationships for years and never meet.  This is a perfect solution for those that suffer from social awkwardness or insecurity because of weight, ugliness or some other malady.  I mean really, if you are content to never have a physical encounter with someone because you can’t bear to face the world, the world’s your oyster right now!

Which brings me to another virtual “dating” tool… texting or otherwise electronically sending pictures.  Show of hands, how many women have received unsolicited dick pics out there?   Ok, too many to count.  Now, how many women have been asked to send pics of themselves to a man (or woman, we don’t judge here)?  Again, too many to count.  How many of you women, send pics will-nilly to said men?  Ok maybe not willy-nilly, but you’ve sent them?

sexting

Here’s my thing, and it’s probably not what you think.  No, I’m not disgusted… however, unsolicited pics of one’s junk is not a turn on for me.  I can’t say even solicited ones are.  Ok, maybe out of curiosity, I wonder what your junk looks like but it doesn’t suddenly make a deal when there wasn’t one.  It’s just more like car wreck curiosity.  And I highly highly advise against sending pics to someone who you aren’t in a relationship with, especially a stranger, you never know where that will end up.  You may end up all over the internet, or in some collage on a serial rapist/killers basement apartment wall.  However, if you really feel the need, don’t include your face in the pic, for God’s sake.

Oh, so wait, I still didn’t tell you my thing.  So say, you meet a guy that lives far away or you reconnect with someone from your past that lives far away.  Like I lived in Denver now I live in NY and I run into someone on Facebook I used to know there.  Whatever.  Not that this has really happened.  *ahem*  So, you get flirty in texts or whatever… then they ask for pics.  You get carried away, it’s a little exciting at first.  Sending pics of you in your sexiest dress or lingerie.  You get a shirtless pic of him and he’s not an old man with moobs, sweet!  And maybe you get coerced into showing a little more skin… and then you get asked for more pics.  I’m not saying you keep sending pics but he keeps asking for them.

And more pics.

And more pics.

Days, weeks, months, years go by of the guy asking for pics.  It is demeaning.  He can never get enough pics but makes no effort to meet.  And I’m like, is this desire between us ever going to get fulfilled, like in person, not over the phone or computer?  Like skin on skin?  Not yet, you want more pics?  Uh…. yea.  I’m kinda’ over this.  Bo… ring.

And no, he’s not married.  He doesn’t have a girlfriend.  We know mutual people.  Maybe he is taken, but he talks a good game of wanting to get together but can’t pull the trigger, so to speak.  Whatever the case is… why are guys perfectly satisfied with getting pics for the rest of their life?  What are y’all like scrapbooking that shit or something?  I can see you all gathering at Joe’s house, bringing your scrapbook material… “Oh I’m using the crimping shears on this one!  Look how nice it is on an orange background! Does anybody have a ‘Hot Stuff’ or palm  tree sticker?”  WTF?

mycolonoscopy

(Not sex, but an example of what a man’s scrapbook might look like)

I’m sorry to me, that stuff gets old real quick.  I need the real thing.  I call your bluff.   Pics or sexting as a form of very short foreplay is ok.  Pic trading as an ongoing form of a relationship?  No thanks.  As my Mother has said her whole life in answer to many situations… “Shit or get off the pot”.  That is pretty much my motto for everything in life.  I’m a doer… not because I have irritable bowel syndrome, I just need to get things underway, make a move, give it a try.

So, can anyone tell me why men do this?  Has anyone ever encountered a woman doing this?  I just want to know what men’s fascination with pics are and why they could be perfectly satisfied with only pics.  Any other women feel this way or is it just me?  Maybe I’m the freak?  Hmmmm…

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Don’t Pee on My Leg and Tell Me it’s Raining… and Other Douchebaggery.

7 Nov

A couple housekeeping notes…

I have a new little book out!  A very little book.  It’s a short book of haiku entitled

I Got Yer Haiku Right Here

Front cover

Kindle version only $.99!  Buy it here.

And don’t forget about my other book When Life Gives You Lemons… at Least You Won’t Get Scurvy!”

Also going to be in Manhattan this weekend at my colleague’s book launch party…

Christina Rasmussen:  Second Firsts – Live, Laugh, and Love Again  a book on surviving loss.  I did a promotional video for her on YouTube for her 30 Days of Hope project.

So, with all that crap out of the way…

I’ve started doing some work for a non-profit that deals with domestic violence prevention and transition after the fact.  I’m doing their marketing and development.  I had to go to a seminar yesterday with a bunch of speakers on various subjects involving domestic violence.

A lot of the subject matter was like “yea, I already know that” and some stuff was validating because it told me I wasn’t crazy and yes he did that.  Which, believe it or not we don’t always know.  People can convince you of some crazy stuff if you love them too much or they manipulate you enough.  Yes, even me, Queen of the Skeptics.

One thing I took note of was that the speaker stated that not all domestic violence or abuse is physical.  Yes! Yes! Yes! They call that a “psychological or emotional batterer”.  Lord, I have experienced some manipulative dudes.  As I’m sure you men have experienced manipulative women.  Now these are people that have no compassion, no conscience, and gigantic balls.  They will tell you the sky isn’t blue as you are staring at a blue sky, they will tell you that you are crazy and hallucinating.  Much like I had my ex tell me that a note that I had in my hand that I found in his wallet that said “I love you, can’t wait to see you” signed with a name of a girl I suspected he was cheating on me with, wasn’t from a girl he was cheating on me with.  And further he tried to lash out at me telling me I was crazy and a bitch.  Oy.

So yea, these people exist.  Now don’t go blaming the victim… we just looooove to do that in this society.  Haven’t you ever known in the back of your head someone was lying, yet they talked such circles around you and made you feel terrible so that you gave them the benefit of the doubt?  Sure, we all have.  I knew mine was full of shit but I was just biding my time until I could have a plan to move the kids and myself out.

So here is a list of attributes that you can count on from a psychological or emotional batterer…

* Co-ercively controlling.  “If you don’t clean the house, you’ll be out on your ass.”  “If you leave me, I’ll kill myself or you or the kids”.  “If you don’t have sex with me right now, you don’t love me or our family”  Check.  Been there.

* Entitled/Self-Centered.  He bitches at you because money is tight.  Tells you to buy less diapers or groceries.  Then he takes himself out to dinner, buys drinks every night, or go gets a new tattoo.  Check.  Been there.

* Believes he/she is the victim… always.  Everything inappropriate or bad thing he has done is because you made him or you stressed him out.  Or he breaks down and tells a sob story about his awful childhood that made him do it.  Check.  Been there.

* Manipulative/Good Public Image.  Everybody else is like “But we know him he’s such a great guy, he would never do that”  Guess why?  Because he manipulated the shit out of everyone in public too… after all that’s how he got you attracted to him, he put on the “Amazingly sweet, generous, loving, caring, charming guy” act at first… only to bring out douchebag guy later.

That’s what I hate when anyone ever says to me about 2 specific men I have dated (1 I married), “Well you picked him”.  Well I didn’t pick the douchebag part!  He wasn’t that guy when I decided to commit or get close to him.  Guys, I know this has happened to you too.  She can turn into a raving manipulative twat too!

Sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else that, yes these people can do these things and it’s wrong.  I knew it was but sometimes people try to convince you so much that you’re wrong, you start to believe the stories they tell you.  I just have to keep telling myself… believe your gut.  If it doesn’t seem right, it’s usually not right.  And anyone who tries to convince you that you’re defective… doesn’t really love you or have your best interest at heart.

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