Big Announcement!

3 Nov patreon-profile-pic

patreon-full-pic

Hey gang! So excited to share some good news with you! I have a new venture I’m about to unleash on the world…

“You’re Soaking in It with Madge!” 

Will hit the airwaves soon! That’s about all I can tell you right now. Stay tuned for more information…

But in the meantime, I have created a Patreon page. For those that don’t know, Patreon.com is a website that allows creative types (podcasts, authors, etc.) a way to allow their consumers/fans help to sponsor their work. Even if you just contribute $1 to let me know, “Hey I like your work” would be awesome! However if you have a business, it’s a great opportunity to sponsor my program and get your name out there and advertise your business through my work.

So if you’ve ever had any appreciation for my blog or books or my upcoming venture (it’s gonna’ be a good one), I ask you to please consider sponsoring my work, so that I can keep relaying my life mistakes to you so that it may serve as a warning of what not to do with yours! Just kidding! I appreciate all of you so much!

Click here to visit my Patreon Page!

Thank you so much!

Love,

Madge

One Nation in Hypocrisy and Judgement We Stand!

6 Oct

madge-sunglasses

This presidential election is about to get on my last damn nerve…

It seems one thing it is rife with is hypocrisy and judgement. Oh and hate. And bullshit.

People throw around character assassinations like it’s candy and they’re on a float in a parade. Or like an Italian grandma with wedding cookies and she has visitors. Or like a new recruit in an MLM that just got business cards.  But I digress…

And every claim of a flaw of a candidate is met with “Yea, well what about your guy did this…?” I don’t even let my children do that, not even when they were small. It’s the “But Johnny did it too” or “But Johnny did something worse” defense. My answer has always been “I don’t care what Johnny did, we’re talking about you. We’re addressing what you did.”

But getting people to stick to one subject is damn near impossible. So why bother, right? I mean let’s leave the personal stuff out of it anyway, right? Also, that’s just being judgemental and hypocritical, right? I mean, let he who is without sin cast the first stone… or whatever the saying is.

What if we did go back to the days of leaving personal stuff out? In reading about elections from the past couple centuries and the few I have witnessed in the past few decades of my lifetime, I don’t seem to recall much personal stuff being bandied about until maybe Nixon or Carter… 1972 or 1976 elections. It was still rather mild and not plastered all over, but then again we didn’t have the internet and 24 hour news stations with time to fill. You heard a little bit about Nixon being a crook (which ultimately became true) and that Jimmy Carter had a drunk, obnoxious brother (which ultimately had no bearing whatsoever).

But before that there were plenty of dudes elected to the office of President of the United States that had secrets come out that in this day and age would be scrutinized 24/7 non-stop. But some of those “shortcomings” turned out to have no effect on the ability to do a good job.  Hmmmm…

Yes, there are some people who I think are terrible people but do their job well. Which totally goes against my nature. I’m all for good people, all around. I believe in God and karma and all that stuff where I couldn’t possibly be good at my job then be a shithead in my personal life. However, I’ve never been at such a high level of power and money that my judgement could be impaired, either. Here are some presidents who probably would have been taken down had there been the interwebz…

  • FDR pulled us out of the Great Depression and helped us win WWII… he had mistresses right out in the open and hid his health problems, even the fact that he was unable to even stand on his own.
  • JFK made great strides in the Civil Rights Movement and stood up to Cuba in the ballsy Cuban Missile Crisis… had several mistresses paraded through the White House, and allegedly had lots of Mob ties which helped him win the election. Not to mention his father being a bootlegger and serial philanderer.
  • Ronald Reagan made the 80’s all bright and shiny with a new Camaro for everyone and single-handedly ended the Cold War (according to mythology)… started his descent into Alzheimer’s Disease before his second term was over.
  • Abraham Lincoln essentially ended slavery and was a great statesman among other things (we get the day off for his birthday, for God’s sake)… suffered from clinical depression, malaria, and smallpox, not to mention his wife was certifiable.

So… what does all this mean? Well it goes to show that journalists were a lot more polite and appropriate back in the day, for one. A public figure’s personal life wasn’t open season. They respected that and stuck to the facts and with politicians stuck to the task at hand… mostly. And people did mostly as well. But people will always dig something up on someone they don’t like, just because… And we didn’t have the internet to perpetuate it.

And oh it’s just not politicians! Look at Pete Rose, legendary baseball player, one of the all-time greats… so he did a little gambling, meh. I don’t think his gambling mattered in him being all-time leader in hits, at-bats, singles, etc.

What’s the answer?  I don’t know. I like to think a person’s character matters but ultimately if they do their job well, it’s no one’s business I guess. Maybe I just prefer the days when journalism wasn’t so seedy and personal. Just something to keep in mind though… you really shouldn’t judge others if you don’t have a clean slate, well actually at all, you shouldn’t judge at all. Don’t be the pot calling the kettle black…

Where You At?

16 Aug

Hey gang! I’ve been asked this question many times and short answer is… busy.

Life got a little crazy trying to launch a few different ventures and working pretty much full-time at a part-time job while things get off the ground. Then there was the whole thing of my son graduating from college, trying to get another one home from college for the summer, and then the third one having all kinds of proms and junk. Life just rolls faster than you can keep up sometimes.

So, I’m trying to get a lot of things going. I started doing stand-up comedy, which you can see below. The sound is pretty bad but you get the idea…

 

It’s been a lot fun! If you want to book me for any event email me at madge@madgemadigan.com.

I am also starting a “Motivational Comedy” tour. It’s motivational speaking with humor that every day people like you and me can relate to.  I know we’ve all seen Youtube videos of like the person who got both legs amputed but then became a triathlete… that’s heroic and you think “If he can do that, I can at least get off the couch to lose some weight”, right? Yea, well it doesn’t really relate to you on a personal level. I can tell you what it’s like to try to have the perseverance when you’ve lost your job and raising three kids alone and the bills keep mounting. And I didn’t just get through it, I thrived from it. So let me know if you want to know more.

I also did a guest host stint on a local morning radio show this morning and I got the bug to do radio again. That’s what I went to college for and spent my first 8 years out of school doing.  Maybe I’ll even just start a podcast.

And of course I am still writing my blog for DivorcedMoms.com which you can read here.

So stay tuned, I’m going to try to get back to the funny on the regular. And I know some of you are like “Why start now?”… ha, you’re funny. And don’t forget to check out some of the new pages on my website! Until next time, folks!

 

 

Fun With Vintage Creepy Valentine Cards!

11 Feb

Remember in elementary school when you bought (or rather your mother bought) that box of small Valentine’s Day cards and you filled out each one with a name of a classmate and then signed your name?  Remember how you would carefully choose the coolest, cutest, favoritest character ones?  Then if you waited too long to go buy them, you had to pick from whatever was left like some lame Tom & Jerry shit or that ratchet ho Strawberry Shortcake?  And the messages sucked.

As an adult I love to use little kids Valentines and make them sound inappropriate. Here are some retro Valentines that I would love to see brought back for modern use because, well… they’re odd and more left open to interpretation. You wanna’ be a perv? Knock yourself out with some of these. You wanna’ be cutesy and corny? You’ve struck pay dirt here…

 

  1. Mrs valentine

Oh yes, because we gals are all still going to college solely for our MRS degrees.

 

2. typing valentine

Perhaps if you sat in a more ergonomic way, you could…

 

3. condenser valentine

I don’t even… What the fuck is this?

 

4. Hunting Valentine

From the “Serial Killer Valentine Collection”… Creepy.

 

5. Nut valentine

The 2016 Tinder version of this Valentine would be “Lick These Nuts Valentine”… which would be followed by a picture of nuts NOT of the plant variety…

 

6. Astronaut valentine

Now THAT is some genius copy writing, right there…

 

7. Liz Taylor valentine

To see Liz later in life, she must have been compensated a lifetime of Whitman’s Chocolates for this ad…

Liz FAt

 

 

8. Cat pussy

All the Freudian images you need… cats and licking. Your gal will be purring…

 

9. Vegan Valentine

For the Vegans…

 

10. Sock valentine

Nothing says love like a dirty, worn out sock. Especially if it’s the one he uses in “private time”…

 

Happy Valentine’s Day from your old pal Madge. Feel free to add any fun Valentines’ you find down in the comments…

 

Dating Guys Who Find Out I’m a Writer

7 Dec

First things first… I have a new book out!

Snap Out of It cover for KDP

It is a collection of my columns from Rochester Woman Magazine. Have some chuckles and food for thought. You can buy it here. You can also find my previous book here as well.

 

Now on to the subject of dating… again.

Whenever a guy I go on a date with finds out I’m a writer that writes about my everyday life, they say “So, are you gonna’ write about me?” I usually respond out loud joking, “Only if you plan on being an asshole!” Which is basically true. But most of the time the response in my head is “Don’t flatter yourself”.

I just think it’s a stupid question. I don’t know, maybe I’m the jerk but I just think it’s an awkward thing to say.  “Don’t flatter yourself”is really the gist of it. Especially when they ask me several times. Why in God’s name would I write about you? You’re the single most boring man I’ve ever been out with. However, commit an act of sheer assholery and you’re in like Flynn!

Funny, my friends never ask me to write about them. They never say “Hey you need to write about our crazy night at karaoke at the gay bar!” My girlfriends never say, “Why don’t you write about me and the cupcakes I bake?” Why? Because 1. They aren’t rude and 2. They don’t flatter themselves thinking that they are that interesting. (Even though they are that interesting)

Next we have the guy who endlessly suggests topics for me to write about. “You know what you should write about? You should write about why women lead men on?” Well, fella I don’t have to write about it, I’ll tell you right now, see… women are just being nice while they are out with you in the midst of figuring out that you are a complete douche-canoe. Then you ask them out again and they say no, or you text and they just don’t answer. Why because she just wasn’t feelin’ you. Or she just couldn’t take another minute of your miserableness.

Another one that I thoroughly enjoy is men suggesting subjects that I should write about that are not anywhere remotely near my realm of expertise. “Hey you should write about dating from a man’s point of view and how much we get screwed over!” Why not? Because 1. I’m not a man and 2. No. It’s my damn blog or column, I write from my point of view. Maybe I’d write about the other side if I had someone with something interesting to say. If you just want to bitch, get your own damn blog. And by the way dude, I know why you’re single, I don’t have to write a blog to investigate.

I liken it to me saying to them, “Hey you know what you should do at work? You should re-structure your management team so that there is not overlap in the… yada, yada, yada” I don’t analyze your work, be mindful not to analyze mine.

However, thanks to these overly helpful dudes I now have a new barometer for choosing the right man for me… one who doesn’t ask if I’m going to write about him.

Seriously, This is Dating at 50? I’d Like a Refund…

13 Oct

(WARNING: This blog is filled with loads of sarcasm. If you don’t speak sarcasm, please turn back now.)

So yea, dating. I’ve been doing it a little bit… very little. In fact I don’t know if you can call most of what I’ve been doing dating. I mostly spectate as men try to get me in bed. Yea, I think that’s pretty accurate. Men don’t take women on dates anymore. And I wasn’t notified beforehand!

Dating at 50… you’d think it would be a lot more dignified. Nope. It’s pretty much the same as it was at 20, 30, 40. Now don’t start with the bullshit of, “You’ll find it when you least expect it”, “You’re looking in the wrong places”… I’m not even looking right now! The only attempts I’ve made are I occasionally swipe on Tinder, mostly when I’m bored and sitting in a waiting room for something. But no one ever talks on there. I get matched up and then no one ever sends a message. And screw it, I’m not sending a message. I’m convinced everyone else is doing the same thing I am and just browsing. And when a guy does finally send a message it’s something lame like “Hi”. Jesus, have some fucking game, dude!

I don’t belong to any other site. I was a non-paying customer on Plenty of Fish for a brief moment but I realized it should be called Plenty of Chum… there sure weren’t any good fish on there. Where are the yummy salmon, ahi tuna, swordfish, and whatever fancy high end fish there are out there? I felt like I was fishing in the Erie Canal and just left with my bait (chum) or catching the occasional carp.

So, I go out with friends, or I just do my usual social media for my personal brand and I have men approach me.  That’s the “action” I get. You’d think at 50 there would be lots of wining and dining. Nope. Instead there are a whole lot of dudes who are bitter and starting over, maybe living in a room above a friends’s garage, at odds with their children and bitching about child support. *sigh* And their idea of a date is “Let’s go to your place and bang, ‘cuz I have a roommate”. Seriously? No, thank you. Sitting at home with my thumb up my ass sounds loads more enticing. Look, I’m not looking for a sugar daddy or Daddy Warbucks but is it so hard to find a guy in a good place in life – happy, financially stable, sexually functioning, and wants to go out for a nice cocktail or meal? Crap, I’ll even settle for appetizers! I’ll pay half, even! I think society has just made it easy to put in as little effort as possible into anything anymore.

It’s like a bad joke, the more stable I become, the more everyone falls apart around me. Ha. Again, don’t give me the lecture about I’m looking for things I don’t deserve and being a gold digger, that’s not the case and you know it. Screw you, I’m 50, have a career, have kids in college, own a home, own a car, volunteer… I think I’m worth something beyond “Netflix and Chill”.  I’ve learned that you get what you feel you deserve, but that somehow hasn’t worked out yet.

However, I’m  just not into “searching” right now. I’d just like to meet new people. I go to events for work a lot, black ties and whatnot, but they are always women’s causes and issue and there aren’t any men there… well ones that haven’t been dragged by their wife, anyway. I have tons of gay friends, but hanging at gay bars has and will net me zero, obviously.  I’ve tried going to do interesting things – classes, groups. Nothing. Usually a lot of Star Wars collectors living in their parents’s basement and cat ladies. It’s not like in the movies or TV. At this point, I have no idea where the guys that butter my biscuit, float my boat, or lift my luggage are and where I would come in contact with them.

Look, I’m not better than anyone else, far from it. I’m sure I’ve been pegged as chum on Plenty of Fish myself. (btw, dude that did that – go fuck yourself) But it’s just a weird place to be in at 50. I don’t feel 50, I don’t look 50, I finally have my shit together, finances could be much better but I’m on the upswing and managing, I’m hip, I’ve got energy, I’m intelligent, I’ll make ya’ laugh, my boobs are still above the Equator… so, what am I missing?

As my trusted life consultant Life Coach Amy White says… it’s just not my time. And I agree. I used to fight people tooth and nail and get mad when they told me that, but I finally accept it. It’s just time for me to accomplish other things right now. There is not supposed to be a man to distract me or to give me an excuse not to accomplish my dreams. Like finishing the book I have coming out in a few weeks… stay tuned! And by the way, you MUST have a session with my friend Amy, she will change your life!

Aw crap, ok whatever. I’ll just sit and wait until whatever is supposed to happen will happen. I can’t believe I’m saying that. I mean, I’m not waiting for “the one” or “a serious relationship” or a “knight in shining armor”. I just want a date with a gentleman who gives me butterflies. Really, that’s all. It would be a bonus if it also included a mind-blowing romp at some point but hey, a girl can dream. So, I sit and dream and make other dreams come true in the meantime…

STAY TUNED FOR ANNOUNCEMENT ON MY NEW BOOK COMING OUT NEXT MONTH!

The Next Phase Will Be Swim Team Practice All Over Again…

20 Aug

Holy crap! I haven’t posted a blog in 5 months! I suppose it’s time I got back at it, eh?

It’s been a crazy time. A lot has happened, but much has stayed the same. Damn, you’d think I had something better to show for it.

I got asked to take a job and stop everything else I was doing professionally and personally, with the promise of all sorts of future treasures. I gave it my all. Lesson learned, anyone who tries to persuade you to just “suck it up now and you’ll be rewarded later” is basically trying to get cheap labor. lol I am worth far more right here, right now. I did however learn to trust in my capabilities and myself in general. I now am confident in my worth. To quote Shakespeare, “Thou shalt not be tempted by fuckery”. (Ok, might not have been Shakespeare…)

On the upside, I started a new company – Madigan Digital Publishing.

MadiganPublishingLogo

Have you been thinking of publishing a book? We can help! We can edit and proofread your manuscript, we can also help you self-publish and market. Contact me today at madge@madgemadigan.com! See http://www.madigandigitalpublishing.com for details.

In other news, I had a daughter graduate high school. She will be starting at Quinnipiac University in Hamden, CT next week. I had my youngest daughter take driver ed this summer, hoping to drive soon. And my son will be starting his senior year at NYU next week. After next week, I’ll have just 1 child at home. My life is changing at a rapid pace. I have a myriad of emotions. Good, bad, and ugly. So excited for my children’s bright futures, I can’t wait to see what they will do! But sad that I won’t have the little people I love and enjoy so much around the house everyday. It’s only natural.

Also, well you probably knew I bought a house in January, moved in in February and after 6 years, am single again. All is well, we’re still friends, just on different paths. No heartbreak on either side. We’re both happy and I am so grateful for having him then and now.

Oh yeah, I also turned 50 in June and had a few friends my age die in the past 5 months. One was a really good friend from childhood that hit me really hard. Loved that guy like a brother. At times it feels like I really have reached a fork in the road, my life is on a completely different level now, dealing with completely different situations that are now absolutely par for the course.

After the death of both of my parents in the past 3 years, I felt my mortality but Jesus Christ now I feel like I’m a completely different person faced with both exciting freedom and a bit of loneliness. It will simply take adjusting. I know I will be fine. But it’s like when I was on the swim team all those years… I absolutely dreaded getting in the chilly pool at 6:30am, then again at 3:00pm. But each time, I just sacked it up and dove in, the initial shock sucked and made me want to cry, but after a few minutes of warm up laps, I got used to it and it was fine. Even had fun joking with teammates in my lane in between sets. Yes, yes, I will be fine, more than fine… and so will my babies.

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