First things first… I have a new book out!
Now on to the subject of dating… again.
Whenever a guy I go on a date with finds out I’m a writer that writes about my everyday life, they say “So, are you gonna’ write about me?” I usually respond out loud joking, “Only if you plan on being an asshole!” Which is basically true. But most of the time the response in my head is “Don’t flatter yourself”.
I just think it’s a stupid question. I don’t know, maybe I’m the jerk but I just think it’s an awkward thing to say. “Don’t flatter yourself”is really the gist of it. Especially when they ask me several times. Why in God’s name would I write about you? You’re the single most boring man I’ve ever been out with. However, commit an act of sheer assholery and you’re in like Flynn!
Funny, my friends never ask me to write about them. They never say “Hey you need to write about our crazy night at karaoke at the gay bar!” My girlfriends never say, “Why don’t you write about me and the cupcakes I bake?” Why? Because 1. They aren’t rude and 2. They don’t flatter themselves thinking that they are that interesting. (Even though they are that interesting)
Next we have the guy who endlessly suggests topics for me to write about. “You know what you should write about? You should write about why women lead men on?” Well, fella I don’t have to write about it, I’ll tell you right now, see… women are just being nice while they are out with you in the midst of figuring out that you are a complete douche-canoe. Then you ask them out again and they say no, or you text and they just don’t answer. Why because she just wasn’t feelin’ you. Or she just couldn’t take another minute of your miserableness.
Another one that I thoroughly enjoy is men suggesting subjects that I should write about that are not anywhere remotely near my realm of expertise. “Hey you should write about dating from a man’s point of view and how much we get screwed over!” Why not? Because 1. I’m not a man and 2. No. It’s my damn blog or column, I write from my point of view. Maybe I’d write about the other side if I had someone with something interesting to say. If you just want to bitch, get your own damn blog. And by the way dude, I know why you’re single, I don’t have to write a blog to investigate.
I liken it to me saying to them, “Hey you know what you should do at work? You should re-structure your management team so that there is not overlap in the… yada, yada, yada” I don’t analyze your work, be mindful not to analyze mine.
However, thanks to these overly helpful dudes I now have a new barometer for choosing the right man for me… one who doesn’t ask if I’m going to write about him.