Madge is So Short… How Short is She?!

17 Jul

I’m short. I’m 5’2″. That might seem average to some women, really short for some guys, pretty tall for small children.

All I know is I can’t reach or see shit most of the time.

I can’t reach the top shelf at the grocery store if something isn’t right up front. I’ve caught people looking on in amusement to see if I start climbing the shelf or fall on my ass or what. Yea, thanks for you help there, pal. Luckily a couple times I’ve caught someone out of the corner of my eye, I turn my head and it’s a male employee with a slight smirk coming toward me saying, “Can I help you reach something?”  I feel grateful, although embarrassed. To the ones that simply stand by, I say “I couldn’t afford a gym membership, that’s why I come to Wegmans and climb the shelves” and walk away.

gotta-hand-it-to-short-people

I also get snickers when I’m at the drive-thru bank teller and I have to open the door and step one foot out to grab the pneumatic tube. I half expect the teller to say, “You OK little fella?” Bastid…

I can’t reach the shelf in my daughters’ bedroom. I have to get the taller one to help me, my younger daughter is cursed with my height.

I can’t reach wall displays in retail stores. I have to go get an associate to reach the one in my size. And I love it when they loudly announce, “There isn’t a 34DD up here ma’am, maybe I can find you a 34DD over there. Wait here’s a 34D, do you want to try that?” Thank you so much for announcing my bra size to the world. I can just imagine everyone cringing as they visualize (because you know they do) this 49 year old woman in just a bra. I feel their eyes piercing me.

I can’t trim bushes that go higher than a window sill. Ladders and long handled clippers aren’t a great help because I usually have to trim blind then. Rather than nice even bushes, I end up with unintended topiaries.

Some sexual acts are more difficult. I won’t go into it but just think about a short girl or girl with short legs with an average to tall guy. And please don’t visualize me in this endeavor.

If something rolls under the couch or bed, forget it.

Can’t reach under a sneeze guard while keeping my head above it.

t rex sneeze guard

I can’t scratch my own back past my shoulder blades. It’s rubbing against the ole corner of the wall if I have an itch any further down my back.

I can’t pull the cord on a combo light/fan fixture on the ceiling, so everything runs whether I want it to or not.

I have to hem everything.

It’s not all terrible… being short enables me to sit reasonably comfortable in an airplane seat or the back seat of a compact car.

And… ummmm… that’s about it.

Whatter’ ya’ gonna’ do, ya’ know? I just deal with it.  Can’t change it. However you could cut me some slack and stop calling me, munchkin, shorty, peanut, and small fry. If you don’t I’ll just go with my new nickname for you… asshole. :)

26 Responses to “Madge is So Short… How Short is She?!”

  1. Holly Wood July 17, 2014 at 6:51 pm #

    You are adorable! Hey I am too tall, 5′ 8″ taller than a lot of men. It is so hard to find one I can wear heals with that is not a big dork. Is there a blog for that? Love the Flamingo…yes they called me that, Holly Wood

    • Madge Madigan July 17, 2014 at 9:25 pm #

      Well, see I always did feel bad for tall girls too. We all have our crosses to bear. :)

  2. Sr. Scotchy McD July 17, 2014 at 6:57 pm #

    Do you remember Mrs. Swan on Mad TV? She carried a step stool with her everywhere she went for this very reason. :D

    • Madge Madigan July 17, 2014 at 9:25 pm #

      Haha yes. I think I’ll design a step stool you can carry as a backpack.

  3. Jon Jefferson July 17, 2014 at 10:27 pm #

    My youngest daughter is 5’2″. She climbs everything to reach high stuff. My granddaughter is a little older than 1 now and we tell Maggie that soon her niece will be as tall as she is.

  4. Valentine Logar July 17, 2014 at 11:01 pm #

    I am average, nearly 5’5″. Those of us who are average still struggle.

  5. Sue July 18, 2014 at 3:33 am #

    I am 5’6″ and can’t reach the top shelf of the freezer shelves in Wegmans. You know, when the product is 1/2 full. I also can’t reach the top shelf in the aisle sometimes. That is where my cane comes in handy! Some on-lookers are about to offer help and when they see me use my cane, I hear “Oh!”

  6. jacquiegum July 18, 2014 at 11:44 am #

    Ha! I feel your pain… I am 5’2 1/2″…yes I like adding that extra inch, not that it makes much difference in the reach. But here’s the thing…I used to be 5’3″!!!! Yep…another age thing that we have to learn to deal with, like it or not. My BFF, who is 5’9″ is fond of saying that if I shrink much more she’ll have to carry me on her back in a papoose. Sigh! I have dated a few guys that were 6’5″…my head fit neatly into their armpit so I get the whole sex thing……….

    • Madge Madigan July 22, 2014 at 5:06 pm #

      Oh yea, I’m sure I’ll be 5’1″ soon enough…

  7. Tim July 18, 2014 at 12:49 pm #

    I have always found 5’2 to 5’4 to be a perfect height. Sorry, I never took into consideration the top shelf aspect and am surprised by all the snickers and lack of a helping hand. If I see you, I will offer without a smirk, chuckle, or nickname depicting stature.

  8. BinduDesigns (@Bindudesigns) July 18, 2014 at 2:59 pm #

    The dilemmas of a short person… At least you can be comfortable in an airplane. Isn’t it that good?

    • Madge Madigan July 22, 2014 at 5:08 pm #

      Yes, and I said that was good. I’m just making fun of myself, I’m not really complaining. Don’t take me seriously.

  9. idiotprufs July 18, 2014 at 4:14 pm #

    You’d be a giant hobbit.

  10. Arleen July 18, 2014 at 5:05 pm #

    I am 5′ 3″ and I find that every dress and pair of pants I try are down to my ankles. So on the bright side I can’t say everything is too short.

    • Madge Madigan July 22, 2014 at 5:08 pm #

      Well now, pants to your ankles would be too short, right? lol

  11. TheRecipeHunter July 19, 2014 at 6:08 pm #

    Hey I’ll be honest, I’m much more interested in visualizing you fighting with a sneeze guard than your other situations! I climbed grocery shelves just the other day to reach a box on quinoa on the top shelf that hadn’t been brought to the front of the shelf. I’m 5’4 and still had to climb. I even waited until everyone had left the aisle.

    • Madge Madigan July 22, 2014 at 5:09 pm #

      lol One day I’m going to smash that sneeze guard.

  12. maxwell ivey July 20, 2014 at 4:55 pm #

    Hi Madge; I’m 6 ft 4 and totally blind. I’ve told people before that given the choice I’d be happy to be sighted or shorter either would make things a lot easier. I mean when you have a white cane in your left hand and your right hand up to make sure you don’t get hit in the head by branches where do you carry anything. and on the tall people’s sites there have been discussions about the fact that so many short women end up with all the tall men. My theory is that shorter women are compensated by having larger breasts. I don’t know this for a fact but its my guess. wouldn’t know which sexual positions you mean. My first serious girl friend was 4 ft 10. but if i ever have another girl friend of similar stature I hope you will share some pointers. lol hope i haven’t embarrassed you further but I love how you can make fun at yourself in this post. hoping more people are nicer about it, max

    • Madge Madigan July 22, 2014 at 5:10 pm #

      Oh man, I never thought about that! Wow, you’ve gotta’ be careful you don’t clothesline yourself on something! lol

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