Don’t Tell Me How to Mother on Mother’s Day!

8 May

To all you Mothers…

Happy Mother’s Day!

This will be my first Mother’s Day without my Mom, she died 6 months ago. I miss her everyday. She was a phenomenal, feisty, loving little Irish lady. I’m not even thinking about me being a Mom this year and if my kids will do anything, I’m just missing my Mom. The first one’s always the hardest.

Me and mom

Me and my Mother celebrating her 80th birthday almost 8 years ago. I made the crown.

 

 

But for all the other Mother’s out there, I say… it’s your day, celebrate how you want. I remember reading a post last year where a guy, yes a guy was blasting all women (or one specific woman, I can’t remember) who wanted to spend Mother’s Day away from their children and have time for themselves. He was literally vehemently berating Mothers for taking time for themselves and saying they were horrible Mothers and human beings. For one, who the hell are you to tell anybody how to do anything? Secondly, you’re a guy, don’t tell Mother’s what to do, you worry about Father’s Day. Keep your testosterone-fueled mouth in check.

Here’s the thing, my experience as a Mother and with my Mother, when kids are young, Mom’s are with them all the time. All. The. Damn. Time. Often we become martyrs. We need to let Moms know you don’t have to be a martyr. We always honored my Mother in the morning, gave cards and presents, had breakfast or brunch, then we had orders from my Father to leave my Mother the hell alone the rest of the day. Same when I was married and my kids just kind of continued the tradition even without their Father around to tell them to leave me the hell alone.

I mean I don’t order them to leave me alone, they’re just kind of like “Mom, it’s your day, do what you want, have peace and quiet, whatever.” Now that doesn’t mean I don’t love my kids, I don’t run out of town for the weekend it just means they know I work hard for them and want me to have time to myself. And it usually is just taking 2 hours to go to the grocery store unencumbered. However, I’m sure when my kids are out of the house that I’ll want to spend the day with them. It will be the reverse. They won’t be around all the time, I’ll make that day about paying homage to me and wear my tiara. :) As I did to my Mom when I became an adult. Except my Mom didn’t wear a tiara, she was still wearing a crown of thorns, could never really get passed that martyr stage. lol I take that back, probably by her 70s and 80s, she was like “I am not doin’ a DAYUM thing today, you people cook or order out”. See, in the picture above she did wear a nice crown. Lord I loved that woman.

However, if there are young Moms that want to be with their kids, knock yourself out. It’s your day. But don’t you dare chastise a woman for wanting some time alone, because we need it sometimes and it’s well-deserved. Most Moms work really hard and we are the nurturers and usually the first one the kids go to for anything – hungry, tired, hurt, sick, bleeding, sad, bored, happy. There were times I literally had 3 kids hanging off me at once as I was trying to cook… or just go to the bathroom.

Do you tell people how to spend their birthday? “You must have cake and see loved ones, especially your Mother ¬†who gave birth to you on that day!” Aw hell no, you can spend it locked in the bathroom, in a bar, at work, in a car wash… it’s your damn business. You can even choose to ignore it if you like. Sadly there are estranged children and Mothers that don’t speak and they choose to ignore Mother’s Day. But again, that’s their business. Yes, it makes me sad, but who am I to judge?

So enjoy the day, however… but first a brief lesson – Mother’s Day in some form or another has been celebrated all over the world for centuries. Since we learned in my last blog, May is the Blessed Virgin Mary’s month, some places decided to honor all Mothers. Other cultures had their reasons for honoring Mom too. In the U.S. Anna Jarvis of West Virginia was the one to lobby for making it a national holiday in 1908 because she had already started honoring her own Mother when she passed in 1905. So there you have it. We have Anna to thank. Happy Mother’s Day!

 

14 Responses to “Don’t Tell Me How to Mother on Mother’s Day!”

  1. Valentine Logar May 8, 2014 at 3:23 pm #

    Just Hell Yes.

    I am sorry, you are right. The first one is hard. Please take care of yourself.

    • Madge Madigan May 8, 2014 at 5:40 pm #

      Thanks, I’ll be ok, I’ll have a good cry that day and life will go on.

  2. Tim May 8, 2014 at 5:27 pm #

    My condolences for your loss. That’s a difficult adjustment. It has been a while for me and I am only just recently been able to write about it.

    • Madge Madigan May 8, 2014 at 5:41 pm #

      Oh wow Tim, I’m sorry to hear that. My condolences. It’s been doubly hard because I just lost my Dad the year before.

  3. Paul Graham May 8, 2014 at 5:38 pm #

    Condolences on your loss and Happy Mothers Day to all, however they choose to spend it

  4. Johnny Bravo @salesproblog May 8, 2014 at 8:13 pm #

    Madge, sorry for your loss. I’m lucky enough to still have my mother. And this Mother’s Day will hold a special place for my family because it will be my wife’s first. I completely understand a mother (especially a new mother) wanting some time to herself. For obvious reasons our 3 month old son doesn’t let mom have much time for herself. But if all she wants is a little baby free time so be it. That’s why they invented bottles isnt it?

    ~ Johnny

  5. Far From Paradise May 8, 2014 at 8:25 pm #

    Wishing you ease this Mother’s Day! I cannot imagine how different it will feel! I hope you find a way to celebrate the day as best you can. I will be as best I can too

  6. Dan May 9, 2014 at 12:01 am #

    Happy Mothers Day.

  7. Susan Cooper/findingourwaynow.com May 9, 2014 at 1:11 pm #

    I am so with you. If you aren’t a mother then don’t tell another mom what to do.

    I am so sorry for your loss. It’s hard. My mom passed a number of years ago and I still miss her, especially around Mother’s Day

  8. mandyfishb May 9, 2014 at 7:43 pm #

    Mother’s Day is my birthday this year.

    SIGH.

  9. Meredith May 9, 2014 at 8:13 pm #

    Amen, sister, preach it! Mother’s day is the only holiday I know of where the people being honored don’t get the day off work! I agree, to each her own, but you can find me somewhere NOT mothering on mother’s day.

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom. She sounds like a great lady. I hope you find an unexpected blessing in the midst of your day on Sunday.

  10. Christine May 9, 2014 at 8:34 pm #

    My dear Mum used to say, “Keep your chins up” (many chuckles about the plural) and “When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on tight”.
    Have the best possible day on this and each one of the firsts you go through this year without her – and remember to celebrate the grand fortune of having shared a love like that.
    I will be doing exactly what I want most – a visit to a Leonardo da Vinci exhibition and then lunch at a restaurant with hubby, daughter and grand-daughter. And somewhere that day, hubby and I will raise our glasses to the best two Mums anyone could want.

  11. andleeb May 10, 2014 at 7:30 am #

    Hello
    My condolences on your loss and Happy Mothe’s day.
    You are right , being a mother , this should me my choice to celebrate the day , the way I want.
    I loved the crown that you made for your mother and the way she kept it safe , tells how much she loved you.

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