10 Wildly Inappropriate Yet Well Meaning Valentine’s Day Cards

13 Feb

In honor of Valentine’s Day I’m re-gifting this blog from Valentine’s Day past…

Remember in elementary school how you’d buy (or rather your mother would buy) that box of small little Valentine’s Day cards and you would fill out each one with a name of a classmate and then sign your name?  Remember how you would carefully choose the coolest, cutest, favoritest character ones?  Then if you waited too long to go buy them, you had to pick from whatever was left like some lame Tom and Jerry shit or Strawberry Shortcake?  And the messages sucked.

Well whatever you got, as you got older you thought the sayings were corny.  Then of course as you got much older you thought about how to make the sayings on those cards somewhat inappropriate.  Hell as adults, you probably even made some porn-themed Valentine greetings in your head.  Come on, it’s fun to smash the innocence of a good old fashioned Valentine!

So, I offer some do-it-yourself inappropriate Valentines, just add impure or unkind thoughts…

1.  flinstone

From the Hallmark Mary Kay LaTourneau Collection

2. rash

My advice… get some penicillin, then sue.

3. vintage_valentine_sink

Uhhhh, well I hope so or it’s back to number 2 above ^^^^

4. retro-valentine-1 club

The Chris Brown Valentine…

5.  emo valentin

Wow, that’s uh, pretty intense.  Call the suicide hotline pal, don’t send a Valentine…

6.  sexting valentine

The first sexting Valentine obviously.  Teaching young girls to send pictures of themselves in underwear to boys since 1952!

7.  retro_us_military_valentines_day_card_

This Vulcan (check out her hand) bowling bobby soxer wants to give it to you good when you get home soldier!  Nothing says sexy like bowling…  Live long and prosper while killing Nazis!

8.  egg valentine

From the Hallmark Small Penis collection…

9.  ronald

You’d take that clown over me?  I knew you slept with him!  F**k you!

10.  eat

Uhhhh… yea.

Happy Valentine’s Day!  If you liked this post, please share with your friends (the blog, not your junk) and don’t forget to sign up to follow this blog (top right).  Thanks loads!  Oh and my book makes a great Valentine’s gift (see top right)!  :)  #ShamelessPlug

8 Responses to “10 Wildly Inappropriate Yet Well Meaning Valentine’s Day Cards”

  1. blanchard1954 February 13, 2014 at 9:39 am #

    Laughing my ass off! This is so funny, but true!

    • Madge Madigan February 13, 2014 at 11:42 am #

      Thank you! I’m especially fond of the rash one…

  2. Valentine Logar February 13, 2014 at 2:33 pm #

    I am speechless, some of those are well just wrong. I am trying to pick between the cannibalism and Ronald.

    • Madge Madigan February 13, 2014 at 3:32 pm #

      For the worst or the one you’d like to give someone?

  3. idiotprufs February 13, 2014 at 3:26 pm #

    A little emotional blackmail going on with the suicidal skunk.

  4. Nelson - One Old Sage February 13, 2014 at 6:04 pm #

    Loved the last one! :)

  5. Jess Witkins February 16, 2014 at 2:56 pm #

    There are so many good ones! The bowling Vulcan might be my fave, I mean it’s just such a great mash-up.

    I love inappropriate cards. :)

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