Your Vagina is Not a Tote Bag

9 Jan

‘Vaginal Knitting’ Is Here To Make Everyone Afraid Of Performance Art Once Again (NSFW)

Read Article Here

So, um… yea… ew.

Who… I mean what… like why would you… who are these people that do things like this?

I’m all for expressing yourself, I’m in some ways an “artist”, I have tons of artist friends.  I was a punk rock kid, always dressed that way and listened to the music I like.  But some stuff I just don’t get.  Well, ya’ know though… do what you want, who am I to say?  Go on with yer bad self.

Then I see this…

Jennifer McCarthy Pulls Gun From Vagina After Dispute Over Space Aliens: Cops

Read Article Here

That’s all kinds of Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.  Before that, over the years I’ve read the occasional article of women smuggling drugs into other countries or into jails in their vaginas.  Other items smuggled into jail through the love canal… cell phones, switchblade, shivs, credit cards, cigarettes, crack pipe.  I don’t know about you ladies, but all of those things make me cringe.  However dudes, have been smuggling things into prison or elsewhere in their tukus for decades.  I don’t know what would be more uncomfortable, my front or back storage compartment.  Either way, right now I am simultaneously  clenching both of those areas.

I can tell you I’ve never been in jail or prison or had a loved one in jail or prison, so I don’t know how desperate things are in there. Also I have never planned to kill anyone and needed a concealed weapon… like REALLY concealed.  And I’m just not into arts and crafts either.  All I know is that there are only certain things that belong in my lady parts, I’m sure everyone’s list varies just a bit.  But I do know guns and balls of yarn aren’t on my list.  It was bad enough three 8 1/2 lb babies passed through there… I’ve no desire for any other spelunking going on in there… unless it fits painlessly and conveniently into the compartment.

What you do on your own time is your business… however if it contains consumer goods in your cooch, I don’t want to know.  God bless.

13 Responses to “Your Vagina is Not a Tote Bag”

  1. Sue January 9, 2014 at 11:14 am #

    Now I’m going to have an aversion to scarves.

  2. Maggie January 9, 2014 at 11:32 am #

    I’m knitting a cozy and smuggling a small family across the border as I type….lol

    • Maggie January 9, 2014 at 11:32 am #

      *coozie*

      • Madge Madigan January 9, 2014 at 11:35 am #

        I literally burst out laughing loudly at work reading that. I just adore you Maggie Mo. :) By the way, loving the book!

        • Maggie January 9, 2014 at 11:40 am #

          ;) I giggled and shared this one! ;) Adore you too Madgilicious! So glad to hear you like the book. It was a good learning experience! xoxo

  3. Almighty Oz January 9, 2014 at 12:16 pm #

    I thought “Vagina Tote Bag” was a Temple of the Dog song?

    Has anyone considered what the sheep think when they see her “harmless” vulva coming at them?

    I have to set up an etsy account immediately, that place is better than you porn!

    • Madge Madigan January 9, 2014 at 12:19 pm #

      Just look under the genre “Vag Crafts” or “Porn Doilies” on Etsy.

      • Almighty Oz January 9, 2014 at 12:46 pm #

        Wait…you sure these aren’t YouPorn categories?

  4. loreeharrell January 9, 2014 at 12:21 pm #

    I couldn’t click on any links after the visceral response to the first picture, having been up all night basking in the glow of the reunion (or doing grunt work. one of those.) and feeling already a bit queasy.

    However, please note that I gave you five stars in advance because I know in the very toes of my soul the blog I will read in its entirety later deserves every one of those stars.

    Humans are silly.

  5. Almighty Oz January 9, 2014 at 12:43 pm #

    What is something Kanya says to Kim? For the win!

  6. Jess Witkins January 10, 2014 at 6:02 pm #

    LOL I saw this on facebook. It is frightening. I’m with you that I don’t care if you do it, but I really don’t want to watch a video of it on facebook. Gross. It’s made me frightened of all yarn scarves I see around peoples’ necks now. *shudder* “Do you know where that scarf came from? DO YOU?!”

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