Holidays on Social Media are Like Slideshows You Were Forced to Watch at Neighbor’s House in the 70’s

26 Dec

I am all out of sorts right now with writing.  I am truly blessed right now with so many opportunities, I’m doing so much professional writing, I get writers block for my own damn blog!  I’ve got big things coming up folks, stay tuned.  And yes, it is a bigger announcement than I’m just attending happy hour in a bit.  Which I know you all love.

In the spirit of the holidays, I would like to share with you the things I hate about the holidays on Social Media…

* Pictures of food.  I know some of you care, but I don’t give a fuck.  Unless you have cooked a T-Rex or something unusual.

transformer fish

 

(or this transformer crustacean)

* Don’t be a douche and show off expensive gifts.  No, I’m not jealous.  There are people that don’t have much.  People who would be elated to get a proper mattress or have their energy bill paid for Xmas.  People that could only give their kids some simple items from Target or WalMart.  I’m talking about… ok some friends of my kids and their Mothers lay out their goods like it’s a pirate’s booty.  Naming each “label”.  Just stop, you look douchie.

diamond benz

*  You don’t have to name every person at your gathering of 20.  We don’t know them, we don’t care.  Sorry.

Madigan clan 2008

(My family 5 years ago, see you don’t care)

*  Pictures of food is bad enough, but a complete written description is worse.  Again, that’s just me, I think some foodies like it… but again this is about me… like everything should be.  :)

*  Announcing what time you got up on Christmas morning.  I’ve lived 48 years without knowing when other people got up… don’t care.

* Saying you got engaged… unoriginal.

engagement-ring-fail2

(P.S. get one that fits)

* Announcing you are using, reading, watching, or wearing a gift you just got at Christmas.  Good for you.  I hope you washed it first.

* Posting about how “giving is greater than receiving”.  If you really felt that way, you wouldn’t make a big deal about it and tell everyone.

* Saying you miss your dead relatives at the holidays.  Yea, I’m guilty of this.  My Mom just died last month… so shut the fuck up.

* Saying thank you to the troops that can’t be home for the holidays.  Like you give a shit, if you did you’d be enlisted too.

* Talking about how much boozin’ you’re doing at the holidays… if you didn’t invite me, I don’t care.

drinks well

* Preaching about the birth of Jesus being the true meaning of Christmas… well aren’t you holier than thou?  I get it, I go to Catholic Mass and celebrate Jesus and all that jazz… but it’s also about caring, loving, and giving.  If you are preaching, you better make sure you are more than a Chreaster Christian.  (Christmas & Easter)  And it’s also about making a fuss and being stressed if you want to… it’s your own damn house.

* Which brings me too… people posting about being stressed about all the extra mile they are doing… cookies, decorations, food, handmade crafts, doilies, whatever… like I said if you want to make a fuss, knock yourself out… but don’t be a martyr, you chose to do it.  No one held a gun to your head to make 20 tins of snickerdoodles for your co-workers.

Well, that’s all I care to bitch about right now.  I haven’t been so snarky in a while, gee it feels good.  It’s like soaking in Calgon… aaaahhhhh.  “Snarkgon take me away”.

Ok I feel better, now to go to the local gay pub and get my hag on.  I have to meet my girls… er boys… er ya’ know my 2nd family of other people that don’t fit into a lot of society’s norm like myself.  However, I do get upset when a lesbian gets all mad at me because I’m in there and I’m straight, like I’m somehow false advertising.  I say “honey, a gay man has to have his entourage”.  Since when can you only go to a bar if you want to get laid?  I didn’t think I was walking into the “Dating Game” or something.  Christ on ice and Mary in the penalty box…

Gotta’ run… ciao.

7 Responses to “Holidays on Social Media are Like Slideshows You Were Forced to Watch at Neighbor’s House in the 70’s”

  1. Nelson - One Old Sage December 26, 2013 at 5:00 pm #

    Great snark Madge. The first thing I saw with the engagement ring was the swollen red finger. In my book if she’s not either smart enough to know it fits or too afraid to tell you… MOVE ON! Of course if you are stupid enough to think an undersized ring is a good idea, the same thought applies to her. Happy Snarkyear Madge!

    • Madge Madigan December 26, 2013 at 6:02 pm #

      Happy Snarkyear to you too!!! xoxo (PS, I just think she was in denial about it fitting and was just desperate to show it off)

  2. Valentine Logar December 29, 2013 at 12:19 pm #

    I am so with you, on all of it. Who cares, what you got, where you were, who you were with, who you did or who did you. Really?

    As for the ring, dimwit now it has to be cut off.

  3. graceyb January 5, 2014 at 9:27 am #

    Love it, your comparison to the old slide shows we had to sit through when visiting is perfect!

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