This here’s a pretty basic blog today. Simple question…
To cheat or not to cheat? That is the question…
I thought my beliefs were set in stone, cast in iron, shackled in… die-cast fiberglass. (I’m not even sure what that means) My belief had always been, you just don’t cheat. I never did on my husband, even though he was an abusive drunk who cheated on me. My parents were married for 64 years until my Dad passed away this past October. It’s what I thought was right. What I thought you were supposed to do. At all costs, remain loyal.
But after being divorced for 13 years and in my late 40′s, I’ve heard alotta’ lotta’ stories. Everybody has a story. And it appears, everybody has cheated. Even teachers, friends, bosses, that I thought were so squeaky clean over the years… had affairs. It seems extramarital schtupping is rampant. Who knew? Well at least I didn’t. Apparently I was a bit of a Pollyanna.
That also brings us to long term relationships… does everybody cheat in those and is it really cheating? I have a friend who justifies extracurricular activity from his LTR by saying “Hey there’s no ring on my finger”. Uh, well ok.
Is monogamy just unrealistic? Has infidelity been going on forever and some just choose to ignore it and some don’t? Or do jewelry and flowers just make it go away? (which BTW, I never got any… fuckers)
Italians even have a name for it – goomatta. Whether pronounced goomah, goomar or goomatta, the word is the Americanized corruption of the Italian word comare, which means mistress or girlfriend. Older wives just seem to accept their role as the dutiful one who gets the kids and the roof over her head and the goomatta gets taken out and paraded around on Saturday night, maybe some trinkets… and gets her ankles over her head.
I don’t know? What do you think? I guess it depends on the people, the couples, whatever. Some wives just look the other way as long as his paycheck is coming to them. Some wives would cut off his dick if he strayed.
Oh and it’s not just the men, I was astonished to find out lots of women cheat. Like… a lot. I think men don’t take that one so well with the pride thing. Guys, would you care if your wife/gf was out gettin’ a pounding from somebody else once in a while?
After I got divorced, I swore up and down I would never ever ever date a married man. I just couldn’t do that to another woman because I had it done to me. But mine was a little different, a bit more severe. I was pregnant and had two kids ages almost 5 and 2. He was cruel when he was at home, I wasn’t being taken care of. And worst of all, I knew the girl, she was a co-worker of his. She had babysat the kids before. It was a long ongoing emotionally intimate relationship (not so) behind my back. I knew, he denied it.
But what if it’s somebody who’s kids are a little older and nobody is pregnant or sick and it’s just a little schtupping on the side? I guess only your conscience knows, huh?
What if you’re married to someone you’re not really in love with, or never were? Things aren’t terrible at home, kids are happy, you’re just not in love. You find the love of your life on the side? Or at least the bang of your life on the side. Get divorced first? Test the waters first? Does it matter? Is it really all fair in love and war?
I don’t know anymore. I had these incredibly restrictive rules before. Like don’t even talk to married men. Maybe it was just Catholic guilt? Now I’m starting to lean toward the “Every man for himself” thing. All I know is… where did it get me? Involved with men who proclaimed to have the same beliefs but didn’t. Men that didn’t provide for me. Men who had a disconnect. So… maybe I should go for a few flings? Get treated like a mistress? Have men buy me shit? The meek shall inherit the Earth, my ass. It seems any woman that married for money, or mistressed for money, gets set for life and become socialites, celebrities, or get TV shows. I know several women in town that married or mistressed well and took the money and ran and set up a nice life for themselves and their kids. And guess what? They’re happy.
Case in point – RHOA’s Kim Zolciak/Biermann or whatever the hell she is now. How do you go from broke single Mom to Wealthy Atlanta socialite? Why, a married sugar daddy, of course! And now she’s found a hot wealthy football player as a result of being a wealthy socialite. The end.
Maybe Tina Turner was right, “What’s Love Got to Do With It?”. Maybe empty flattery, passionate sex and money is more enjoyable?
Let’s hear your opinion on this…
Oh and don’t forget to take a look at my other blog for Divorced Moms. www.singleparentmadge.wordpress.com