Another quick Valentine’s Day blog.
Remember in elementary school how you’d buy (or rather your mother would buy) that box of small little Valentine’s Day cards and you would fill out each one with a name of a classmate and then sign your name? Remember how you would carefully choose the coolest, cutest, favoritest character ones? Then if you waited too long to go buy them, you had to pick from whatever was left like some lame Tom and Jerry shit or Strawberry Shortcake? And the messages sucked.
Well whatever you got, as you got older you thought the sayings were corny. Then of course as you got much older you thought about how to make the sayings on those cards somewhat inappropriate. Hell as adults, you probably even made some porn-themed Valentine greetings in your head. Come on, it’s fun to smash the innocence of a good old fashioned Valentine!
So, I offer some do-it-yourself inappropriate Valentines, just add impure or unkind thoughts…
1. 
From the Hallmark Mary Kay LaTourneau Collection
2. 
My advice… get some penicillin, then sue.
3. 
Uhhhh, well I hope so or it’s back to number 2 above ^^^^
4. 
The Chris Brown Valentine…
5. 
Wow, that’s uh, pretty intense. Call the suicide hotline pal, don’t send a Valentine…
6. 
The first sexting Valentine obviously. Teaching young girls to send pictures of themselves in underwear to boys since 1952!
7. 
This Vulcan (check out her hand) bowling bobby soxer wants to give it to you good when you get home soldier! Nothing says sexy like bowling… Live long and prosper while killing Nazis!
8. 
From the Hallmark Small Penis collection…
9. 
You’d take that clown over me? I knew you slept with him! F**k you!
10. 
Uhhhh… yea.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Haha wow where’d you find some of these? The bowling one doesn’t even make sense! I’ve definitely thought of a few funny yet raunchy valentine messages I could send here and there. Good thing I don’t have a valentine this year!
I simply Googled “retro valentines” images. Some very strange things out there.
Love your captions! Obviously the cave people and egg valentine’s were some of the first valentine’s for lesbian lovers. The “vulcan” comment kills me. lol
Thanks. Oh I just had a field day with these. If I could find a job where I just came up with one liners all day, I’d be happier than a pig in shit.
There is a world out there where perverse adults sat in rooms laughing it up as they wrote these. You know they were thinking many of the same things.
Could be, but I think when they were written 50 years ago they didn’t have some of the perv knowledge we have today. lol
Those are a hoot! And a little disturbing….
Agreed