Who the hell am I?
What the hell am I doing?
I’ve been asking myself that question a lot lately. Fine time to have to be rediscovering myself but it’s about time I took a thorough calm approach. If only I had stopped flailing around for a moment to really think things through I might have been on a better track a while ago.
I’ve been thrown so many curves, I still probably wouldn’t have gotten my shit straight then, either.
So, I’ve been trying lots of different things lately, as you can tell. I’ve been writing more, video blogs, auditioning for stage productions, applying for hardcore social media or writing gigs. No, not writing gigs in hardcore porn or hardcore punk… hardcore writing… nevermind.
Let’s back the truck up a second. When I was a small hyperactive child with wild auburn hair, my Mother enrolled me in every free workshop or lesson given by parks and rec or whatever non-profit known to man. (see, those programs do save children from a life of crime and drugs… not booze tho). And when that didn’t work, she dumped me off at the beach or YMCA for while. I took sailing lessons, tennis lessons, ballet lessons, art workshops, theater workshops, book clubs, golf lessons, gymnastics, and swim team. So, I’ve been all over the place in my interests since I was young. Or I just have ADD.
But I loooooved me some theater. I did a bunch of productions. Had leading roles in some musical crap in high school. And then when it came time to apply for college, I was all “I’m totally majoring in theater”. And I remember a direct quote from my parents… “We’re not paying to send you to college to become a waitress”. Ouch. Thanks for crushing my dreams, pal. But those were my parents – practical, realists, safe. Always.
I was pissed.
However they did have a suggestion. My Father’s brother had been in radio and TV his whole adult life until he passed away in the mid 70s. At the time of his death he worked for ABC as… damnit now of course I can’t remember the correct title. I believe it was VP of News and Special Events. Anyway, he was a big head honcho. I was told he was responsible for hiring Peter Jennings. I also remember my parents watching the 1968 Democratic convention because my Uncle John was in charge of that. His funeral was attended by many famous folks in news and politics.
So anyway, they suggested broadcasting because I was so into music and had a personality. This was like 1981-1982 where you could still have a little input with music and some personality in radio. So, that’s what I did.
I rode that train for a while but quickly realized after I got out of college that radio and TV was all corporate and not a whole lot of fun. Oh and the pay? Minimum wage. So I went and got married, had kids and left the field eventually.
Many incarnations later, here I am. I’m thinking there is something to that personality, writing, humor thing. That’s what my idea was in the first place. Monetizing it is another. My family was never big on “go for your dreams”, they were always “become a dental hygienist, people always need those”. (I love my many DH friends and am really quite jealous that you are always in demand) And why couldn’t I be as smart as my lawyer, executive, engineer, teacher siblings? God bless my Mother but if she had mentioned one more time in the past 15 years to “just get a job at the school, so you’ll be on the kids schedule”, I was going to shoot myself. For one, those jobs aren’t as easy to get as you would think. And two, could you picture me a lunch lady or teacher’s aide? I’d get in trouble for talking more than a kid!
Funny thing is, I got hired for a P/T social media job recently because of… my blog. Yes, they told me I basically had balls for putting myself out there and being able to brand myself, and figured I could do it for them. Seeing the blog got them to call me for an interview and I sold myself in person and got the job. Tada! I gambled, it paid off a bit. I didn’t win the Powerball jackpot… maybe more like a $5,000 scratch off ticket, but it’s a start and I am plenty grateful. I’ve done social media for other people/companies in drips and drabs but this is a little more substantial and I’m excited.
I’ve been worrying the last couple years about my blog and real life clashing. I was trying to figure a way to make it work or parlay into a career. Hopefully this is a start. My whole life I’ve struggled with what is the real me and making it fit in with the rest of the world and profitable. Some people would say, “Oh screw society, just be you, go after your dreams!”. Sorry, not practical while unexpectedly having to raise 3 kids on your own without that other parent in the picture.
So this is a start… and I can still finish up my book which is approaching landing. I hope to have it out by March. Fingers crossed. I’m gonna’ stay true to my heart and think somewhat practically and see where I can go. I sound like a freakin’ Dr. Seuss book don’t I . Eh, he was a kook and look where it got him… rich. There’s hope for me!